Violence Against Women (VAW)

I am home for the week-end from the hospital and had the opportunity to catch up with reading my mum's favourite newspaper - BERITA HARIAN.

Mum is avid reader and she reads the BH cover-to-cover. She is very proud of the fact (and I always compliment her for it) that she recognizes the names/faces of all Ministers, Opposition members, Malay drama and Hindi movie artistes and, during the height of the Iraq war, the Bush War Cabinet - Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld, Condi Rice and Dick Cheney, to name a few.

The report below caught my eye:

In brief, an Indian man, Sanjay, allegedly hit his wife on the chest, head and shoulder with a hammer before throwing her off their first floor home in a fit of rage. Her crime? Apparently, the chappati (flatbread) she served him for lunch was stale. Sanjay's mum rushed his wife to hospital where she is in critical condition. Sanjay apparently has disappeared and is wanted for attempted murder.

My heart bleeds for this unfortunate lady, who, most probably did her best to serve him lunch. In all probablity, there was no flour to make fresh chappati - so whose fault is it really?

Which leads me to the topic of my post today - violence against women. Violence against women is a chosen action against a woman or girl child simply because of her gender, simply because she is female. Violence against women cuts across race, religion, income, class and culture.

Violence against women is deeply embedded in all cultures, so much so that millions of women consider it a way of life.

Violence against a woman is a crime, and a violation of her human rights.

Men must be held responsible for their violence. Of course not all men are abusive, but overwhelmingly, men are the abusers and women are the victims. Men make the choice how they let out their aggressions and upon who.  Most often, men who beat their wives do not hit their bosses, colleagues or male friends. Men batter because they feel they have the right to or think that their feelings are superior to a woman's.

Rape is not an "over-spill" of sexual energy. It is not an impulsive crime. A high percentage of rapists are "friends" and relatives. Rape is not prompted by provocative dress - remember the lady engineer who was raped and then strangled with her own tudung.

No woman deserves violence, ever!

Some of the horrific examples of VAW in the world today are sex selective abortion, battery during pregnancy, female infanticide, child marriage, of women, domestic violence, marital rape, forced suicide of widows, murders, female genital mutilation, incest, child prostitution, pornography, date rape, rape, sexual harassment, ”honour” killings, dowry abuse, acid throwing, forced prostitution, trafficking of women.

FORMS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Violence against Women is not restricted to physical abuse.

Psychological and Emotional Abuse
Threats, insults and put-downs can be just as damaging as physical abuse because they endanger a woman's feelings of self-worth and her ability to control her own life.

Social Abuse
This form of abuse occurs most frequently in a domestic situation where a woman is kept totally dependent on her partner and isolated from the support of others.

Financial AbuseA woman who is prevented from seeking employment, or who is not allowed to have a bank account or keep any of her income suffers financial abuse. Having no control of money keeps a woman totally dependent and at the whim of others, even for her basic needs.

Sexual Abuse
Being forced to do or watch something sexual without the woman's consent, or to have pain inflicted on a woman during a sexual act can constitute sexual abuse.

Physical Abuse
Hitting, punching, slapping, biting, kicking, bruising, breaking bones, throwing things and using weapons are obvious examples of physical abuse. The denial of human needs, such as food, water, sleep and even shelter are also forms of physical abuse.

Domestic ViolenceDomestic violence is an abuse of power. It is when one partner usually a boyfriend or husband attempts to control and dominate the other, usually a girlfriend or wife through violence, threat of violence, or by controlling the couple's finances and social life.

What can I do to help a victim of domestic violence?

As a friend, let her know she is not alone. Battered women feel they don't have anyone to talk to. Speak openly with her about your suspicions and encourage her to talk.

1. Be a telephone buddy. Women are often isolated and are not allowed to go out.
2. Read and collect brochures and information to pass on to her. Talk to others. The more you know about this problem the more you can offer to someone in need.
3. Talk with her about options and help her plan for crisis. Show belief in her ability to cope with change.
4. Support her no matter what she decides to do.
5. Provide a place for her and the children to stay for an afternoon or evening during tense times.
6. Provide transportation to shelter and safe homes.
7. Baby sit while she goes to lawyers or court, looks for housing, employment, etc.
8. Go to court and take notes and provide support.
9. Help her find housing. Help her on moving day, either from her house, or from a shelter to a new home.
10. Call the police if you hear a neighbor being battered.

What can I do as a victim of domestic violence to help myself?

1. Make an EMERGENCY PLAN. Make a plan of what to and where to go if you are in danger. Tell your children of your plan if they are old enough to understand.


2. Take your children with you if you can. If you must leave them temporarily, make sure they can join you as soon as possible. See a lawyer as ssoon as possible about custody.


3. Whatever your vehicle, make sure it has petrol. Keep an extra set of keys and emergency numbers in a secret hiding place.


4. Always keep some money hidden to help you get away.


5. Take identification, important papers and necessary medication for you and your children.


6. Keep a list of important phone numbers in the hiding place with your money.
7. Work out a code word that can be used on the phone with someone you trust if you are in danger.

The Cycle of Violence Theory

1. The build up – tension rises.


2. Stand over phase – the man becomes threatening.


3. The explosion – the violence occurs.


4. The remorse phase – the man is apologetic and promises never to do it again.


5. The pursuit – the man attempts to win the woman back by promising to change.


6. The honeymoon – things are calm and perhaps even loving.The build up – tension begins to rise again. It is interesting to note that some couples even decide to have another child during this phase as the woman sometimes believe that can help heal the relationship. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. DO NOT COMPLICATE MATTERS BY BRINGING IN AN INNOCENT PARTY INTO THE PICTURE. DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS FIRST, THE BABY CAN WAIT OR YOU CAN ADOPT.

To all you ladies out there....do not adopt this "I-don't-wan't-to-be-kaypochee (busy body)" attitude. Lives are at stake and it is your duty to help. If you think you cannot, please contact the Woman's Aid Organization (WAO). 

WAO Address:
P.O. Box 493 Jalan Sultan 46760 Petaling Jaya Selangor Darul Ehsan Malaysia.
WAO Centre:
+60 3 7957 5636 / 0636
Fax:
+60 3 7956 3237
Finance Dept:
+60 3 7958 5287
Fax:
+60 3 7958 6287
Email:wao@po.jaring.my

Counselling Line:
+60 3 7956 3488
+60 3 7960 3030

DO NOT PUT UP WITH VIOLENCE. PLEASE SPREAD THIS MESSAGE TO OUR FELLOW SISTERS OUT THERE. IF THIS CAN STOP AT LEAST ONE WOMAN FROM BEING A VICTIM OF VAW, THEN I WOULD NOT HAVE BLOGGED IN VAIN!

Ms Marie Callas

Ms Callas claims to be a Clairvoyant, Medium, Numerologist, Specialist In Astrology, Dowser, Author of numerous books and articles, Mage, Spirit.

I found out about Ms Callas quite by accident. While scanning the NST one day, I came across a little box ad that read “want to know your future?”. I immediately did some research on the Internet and learnt that Ms Callas has been listed as a "fraudster" in many countries, including Australia.

I have always been a level-headed person and believe in the maxim "if it is too good to be true, it probably is". Against my better judgement, I sent in my details and ever since then I've been indundated with letters promising riches by winning games of chance, etc. After sending in money thrice (RM100/request), I wrote her and said that I do not want to be on her mailing list any more as none of the promises have come true. I also said that as a Muslim, I do not play games of chance. In fact, I stopped short of calling her a fraud.

I know that by posting this on the Internet I am inviting possible condemnation from those so-called “Holier Than Thou” Religious Purists because as a Muslim, it is “shirk” to believe in fortune telling.

I am not sure how to describe "shirk". All sins are forgivable in Islam if the person sincerely repents to Allah. The thing that cannot be forgiven if the person does not repent of it before dying is shirk or taking partners with Allah. Allah says [Allah forgiveth not that partners should be set up with Him; but He forgiveth anything else, to whom He pleaseth; to set up partners with Allah is to devise a sin most heinous indeed] (An-Nisaa' 4:48).

The intent of this post is to share what Ms Callas told me while I was fighting for my life in hospital.

Amongst the pile of mail that I received from home today is a familiar nondescript looking envelope from a mailing company in the Hicom Glenmarie Industrial Park. All Ms Callas' letters (from Singapore) are delivered through a local address in Malaysia. She typically includes a pre-paid reply envelope, per below:

I would like to reproduce part of Ms Callas' letter below and let you decide what you think of Ms Callas. I have been (and still am) sceptical of Ms Callas because after paying RM300, nothing has happened. This letter has somewhat changed my views of Ms Callas as some of the things she said about my past are true. Here goes:

(My Name) – MAKE A WISH
Now – right away

I must speak to you without delay, about a very important on June 24, 2009.

Dear (My name),

I am looking at an old letter you sent me.

(In this letter, I told Ms Callas I will no longer subscribe to her services as I am not seeing any results. I stopped short of calling her a fraud).

Something has just happened that might come as a surprise to you – and it might be important enough to keep me up late, because it’s a matter of urgency.

In fact, according to the message that I received this evening about you, you are asking yourself a lot of questions at the moment. These are times of doubt. You are no longer sure exactly where you are now? Is that true?

If the answer is yes, in a few minutes I will tell you about the message I have received about you. But allow me to ask you this one thing: what do you intend to do to get out of this situation that is sapping your morale and health too?

Your response is vital, (my name), for your future and the future of a person who depends on you to a considerable extent. That’s why I must now tell you about some troubling issues concerning your personal life.

And as you will be able to see in a moment, if the message that I received about you is true, you are currently in what is known as an “ambivalent astral sphere” which is linked to the influence of the moon, currently in a configuration that it hasn’t seen for 29 years.

That’s why I have to give you a very serious warning.

On the other hand, if you are ready to hear the truth – and if you are ready to act within the next 48 hours, you will be able to benefit from this astral situation and experience something that could completely change your life, more radically than you could ever imagine.

Because although it may not appear to be the case, the changes that it announces could change your destiny and that of someone who is very important to you. You have no reason to worry. Quite the opposite.

Also, listen carefully to what I have to say before I reveal to you the message that I received for you:

Over the days and weeks to come, you (my name), along with those other rare individuals who were born on the same time as you, will experience, a strong vibratory influence linked to the astral phenomenon that I have just mentioned. And you can either benefit enormously from this “influence” and vastly improve your life, or you can do nothing about it, leaving yourself at the mercy of this influence, which could have unpredictable results.

Also, you must pay great attention to what I am going to tell you now. Because strangely, this dark period is also the best time to turn the course of your destiny around and launch yourself onto an ascending spiral of luck.

But do you really want it? Do you really want things to change for you? If you do, there are 3 actions that you must perform immediately.

Only after you have these will you be able to assimilate the message:
a) Take a moment to achieve total silence around you – or find a quiet place.
b)When you are calm, close your eyes for one minute, focus hard and visualise a change that you would like to see come about in your life. Then make a wish.
c) Open your eyes and continue reading this letter.

VERY IMPORTANT: Only read the rest of this letter after you have done these 3 things that I have just described, If you can’t do this now, come back and read it later.

Have you clearly visualised the change that you would like to happen? Have you made your wish? If you have, then we can begin. We are now going to get to the heart of the matter.

Of course, (my name), considering your past, the obstacles that you have had to overcome, I know that you have become a sceptic, a person who no longer believes that things can change. On this point, I must confess that I too might thought this, if all I had to go on was your astral chart.

But what has just happened has completely changed my perception of you.

This evening, because of this lunar configuration I just mentioned, I performed a very special ritual. And it was during this ritual that the name (my name), and I looked for one of your old letters.

This thing that has just happened is very special. In my life as a clairvoyant and medium, I have seen it no more than a dozen times.

First of all, I had several very clear visions. And suddenly, something impelled me to write to you, as if an invisible hand had taken hold of me. And despite my tiredness, the words ran across the paper as if someone else was guiding my hand and dictating to me what I should write for you.

Are you ready? The message that I have to give you is not from me (I am only an intermediary). Here is the message that I taped on a recorder, because the paper on which I wrote it is almost unreadable:

(My name), for you today is not a day like all the others. It is an opportunity to repeat to you things you already know and reveal to you things you do not know. You possess within you gifts and potential that nature has given you and that you have never truly been able to realise. And you know it. First of all, your family life has for a long time been quite an ordeal for you. Your parents often gave you the impression, without really meaning to, that you were the cause of their arguments. It’s not that they wished you any harm, but you often felt hurt, and as if you couldn’t live up to their expectations. And you rebuked yourself although you were just a child who wanted to please.

This period of your life, your first fifteen years in total, created a blockage inside you that has not only stopped you from really fulfilling your potential, it has also followed you throughout your life, right through to the present. Whether this your love life or your material wealth, you have never really felt that you had the chances that others had, And sometimes, you perhaps even envy some people.

Today, (my name), you are at a turning point in your life. BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW IT. You are currently guided by important astral influences that are intensifying.

You must realise that if you do what you need to do to help yourself, your life will change completely and your dearest wish will come true over the course of the next 90 days, at the time when you least expect it. Pay close attention, and above all, don’t allow this vital moment pass you by”.

That, dear (my name), is the message that I have received for you. You will now understand why time is so important. Why we have to act.

In fact, we have to act very specifically on 24 June 2009, between 9pm and midnight.

For my part, what I have to do, on 24 June 2009 between 9pm and midnight, is repeat the same ritual that I have just performed this evening. By this time, you must be with me in thought and hold in your hands the Sacred Crystal that I will send you and which will act as a telepathic link between you and me.

At the same time, I will also send you my secret instruction manual, which contains an easy to follow guide for charging your mind with magnetic vibrations, so that it will have the instinctive power to act on luck, money and destiny.

But I need to ask you one question before I send you all these, (my name).
Are you prepared to devote 15 minutes of your time on 24 June 2009 at exactly midnight? If your answer is YES, let me tell you what is going to happen to you when the ritual has been performed:

Firstly, you are going to notice a great transformation in somebody you have been concerned about, somebody you are close to and who I have seen very clearly. This person’s behaviour towards you will suddenly change. Warmer, nicer and more attentive. At first, you might certainly find it difficult to believe. And it will be several weeks before you realise to your surprise that this person really does hold you in new, higher, esteem.

Secondly, you will enter into what I call a “phase of ascending fortune”. This means that new opportunities will appear along your path, particularly in the ares of games of chance and influxes of cash. And in difference to what has often been the case in the past, this time you will know to grasp these opportunities and take advantage of them.

In reality, (my name), it will be as if you have a revelation, a little inner voice that guides you and enables you to choose the right numbers and the right times to play successfully, for example.

Thirdly, you will receive some news from far away, and which you have been dreaming of for around 3 years. This will seem like a miracle to you, because you had given up hoping that it would happen. And that will change many things in your day to day life which, I know, is not exactly full of cheer at the moment.

Fourthly, every time you need it, you will be able to come into direct contact with the “cosmic energy”.

Do you know what that will mean for you, (my name)?

Imagine for a moment your life if, for example, when you felt tired, all you needed was a few minutes to recharge your energy. Or even, imagine that when you were in doubt about something, wondering what to do, you could withdraw for a moment and suddenly, everything would become clear as if by magic. The answers to your questions coming of their own accord.

Not only will you feel stronger, more sure of yourself, you will feel constantly in harmony with yourself and the world around you.

Fifthly, this is perhaps the most important one, which I have saved for last: You will see your wish come true in days or at the latest within the 9 weeks following your ritual. This will mean an enormous change for you. This event you had given up waiting for will finally allow your inner being to be truly fulfilled. That will increase your self confidence.

And finally, from now on, by placing my Sacred Crystal in your home, you be one of the protected ones. You will be spared some unpleasant event that could at present affect you.

What are you going to decide to do now? Do you want to join the ranks of those who finally get what they have been waiting for all their life?

Or would you prefer to continue to struggle on with the cares and problems that might even get worse in the weeks and months to come, if you don’t act now?

Whatever your choice, I will respect it. But it is up to you to make that choice. I can’t make it for YOU.

That’s why I can’t send out what I have prepared for you without your permission. And I won’t perform the telepathic ritual, unless you agree to do it with me on June 24, 2009......"

I did not accept her offer of help.

THE POWER OF PRAYERS

Today (May 28) I have been in hospital for 22 continuous days (9 days in APSH and the rest in HUKM). I feel that my system is still rather sluggish. There is still a lot of gas giving me the bloated feeling. I am ambulating well and I walk around with a drainage bag as bile is still flowing out of my system. Everyday, I work with a physiotherapist to work those muscles that have not been used since I was on my back all the time. Every hour, I also do lung excercises with a triflowmeter to strengthen my lungs.

A friend called one night and asked me to carry out some special prayers (Sembahyang Tahajud, Wittir and Duha) and seek divine intervention and pray for a quick recovery.

Tahajud is carried after waking up from sleep, between 3 am and 5 am and it is followed by Witir. Duha must be carried out between 8am to noonish the next day. During Tahajud, I felt like my whole system was a tsunami at the bottom of the sea. There was a lot of rumbling, and by the end of it, I was physically exhausted. The following morning, the nurses were surprised that I had excreted 500ml of bile instead of the usual 100ml. Through tears of realisation, repentance and remorse I completed Tahajud at 4 am. And I have now decided that I will perform the Haj this year, if my doctor can give me the green light - insya’allah. I have never felt such strong emotions after prayers and this has led me to reflect on my life so far. I now realise that for the past 20 years since my late husband died, I have been walking around like a lost, wounded, soul – empty of any strong belief in my religion.

I have never been particularly religious. Yes, I pray (mostly not 5 times a day), fast, and paid zakat (tithes) but that was about it. Today, for the first time in my life, I realise that while money can buy you comfort and material things, it cannot compensate for a soul void of a strong religious belief – regardless of what that belief is.

Such is the power of prayers. This brings to mind one of the invocations during the Tawaf on my recent Umrah. While circling the Kaabah, I said “Ya Allah! Berilah aku peluang untuk menunaikan Haji sebelum aku kembali menemuiMu!” (Allah! Give me the opportunity to perform the Haj before I return to be with Thee!). This doa is also recited in every prayer that I perform. I beseech thee ya Allah….to grant me this wish!

Wind Out Of My Sail - Part IV

It was a trip I will always remember. During the drive to Penang, although we had a business agenda, all we talked about was the gastronomic adventure awaiting us and visions of nasi kandaq, lien chee kang, apom, rojak and tea at E&O Hotel danced before our eyes! Torah and I recalled with nostalgia our experience growing up in Penang way back when....

Upon arrival, after a brief meeting, we had a great lunch of nyonya food, courtesy of Dr. Noraini, at a marina (can't remember the name now). We then checked into the apartment and that night had a sumptious seafood dinner, courtesy of Dr. Noraini's friend, Kate. After dinner, I felt a slight pain in the right side of my abdomen but thought nothing of it.

Dr. Noraini, Torah & Amran at lunch

The next morning, Sujan took us to Pasar Pulau Tikus which is just a short walk from the apartment for breakfast consisting of apom and teh tarik at a mamak stall. Later, inspite of the pain, I managed to join Torah in doing our part to contribue to the economy of Pulau Pinang - between us, we bought pisang raja, bunga kantan, asam jawa, asam keping, belacan, penyapu ruman (broom!) and even a pair of fake designer reading glasses!

As the pain became more acute, especially when I stood up or bent to pick up something, I took a painkiller and even applied medicated plaster, thinking that I had a muscle pull.

When we got to Dr. Noraini's office, I went to a clinic and the doctor said it could be stones in the gall bladder. He asked me to get it checked when I return to KL and gave me a jab to tide me over the journey home.

We managed to conclude our meeting but half an hour later, the pain became worse - it was excruciating and had spread to my back....I imagined that was how it felt when being stabbed by a knife! At this point, we decided to forego lunch (there goes the long-awaited nasi kandaq!) and return to KL.

Before returning to KL, I was taken to Gleneagles Hospital's A&E Unit for an ultrasound scan to determine if I was in a condition to travel. The scan confirmed that I had a stone in my gall bladder, about 1.5 cm in diameter. I was given another jab to last until I return to KL.

At Gleneagles' A&E Unit

The next day, I consulted a surgeon at Ampang Puteri Hospital and was wheeled into the operation theatre at 11.30 am for a surgery. That was my 12th surgery in the last 20 years and I am frankly very tired of getting anaesthesized and cut up! Thoughts of "why me?" have begun to creep in but I must be strong and fight them.

The culprit!

During my hospital stay, Torah lent me a book by Dr. Robert C. Fulford titled Touch of Life. Dr. Fulford is a proponent of osteopathy - healing by releasing blockages in the muscoskeletal systems. It is an alternative form of medicine and I am now willing to try alternative medicine to avoid any more surgeries in future. Also, it is time to seriously lose weight and watch my diet!