Mortality

As I watched 90-year old former US President Jimmy Carter talked about his 4th stage cancer on TV recently, several thoughts went through my mind.  What would I feel and how would I react if a doctor tells me that I have x months/years to live?  Would I break down and cry or would I start thinking about what to do next and how to prepare for the end of my existence?

To be honest, such a revelation would devastate me. The practical side of me says that I would ask the doctor questions about what treatment is available and the cost, how would the treatment affect me, the dos and don'ts of a cancer patient, etc.  But the emotional side of me tells me that I would have a good cry right in front of the doctor and would probably ask to come back when I am more composed to discuss the matter.

Jimmy Carter appeared to have accepted his lot very well.  He spoke about it without any signs of emotion, he rattled off facts as if this was just another talk show, he answered questions and he even smiled during the interview.  What was most amazing is his acceptance of his mortality and his ability to continue doing things that he'd always done.  He is still teaching in Sunday schools, he is still planning to travel to Nepal with his family, health permitting.

He is very fortunate to have the support of his family, friends and the community he lives in.  His wife of fifty-something years, Rosalynn, is a bedrock of strength during this stage of his life.  He has the support of his church and his community. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and being depressed, he said he will continue to live his life as he had always done and God will take care of the rest.

It is during times like this that a belief in religion helps.  Usually, it is during this time too that most people turn to religion for solace and strength.  The presence of family who cares cannot be under-estimated.  At a time when the patient feels so helpless, it is comforting to know there is someone who really cares.  It cannot take away the pain that comes with cancer treatment (I've seen my mother's reaction to chemotherapy) but the presence of someone who unconditionally loves you is part of the treatment too.

Time.....

26 years ago today...I was 37; Nash was 4.

May Allah have mercy on your soul and may your place be amongst the believers.

Al-fatihah....


“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 
― Rose Kennedy


#hajimuhandesbinhajimohamed
#6/7/42-13/8/89
#lifegoeson
#iamstrongiaminvincibleiamwoman

Reminiscing

#wheredidtheyearsgo
#inreflectivemood

#beentheredonethat

Batu Berendam Airport, Malacca circa 1980

Jumpmaster Rating (Responsible for Despatching Students Off A Jump Plane)

Asean Parachuting Championship, Bogor, Indonesia (Circa 1982)

Royal Command Performance, Sg Besi Air Force Base (Circa 1983)

Skydive over Marana, Arizona (Circa 1984)

Mount Kinabalu, August 31, 1981

Haj - November 2009

Royal Lake Club Golf Trip - Surabaya (2013)

Royal Pines Golf Resort, Gold Coast (2012)

Aah...This Thing Called Ageing

Of late, I've been seeing flashes of light at the corner of my left eye when driving at night.  At first, I thought that my prescription glasses needed checking but when I removed my glasses, the flashes were still there.  I then sought advice from Dr. Google who informed me that it could be due to either (1) ocular migraine or (2) torn retina.  Whilst (1) is just a mere nuisance, (2) could potentially lead to permanent blindness.

A check with an Opthalmologist confirmed that I had a condition called PVD (posterior vitreous detachment).  What on earth is this beast called PVD?  The Opthalmologist patiently explained it thus:

When we look at something, light passes through the front of the eye, and is focused by the lens onto the retina. The retina is a delicate tissue coating the inside of the eye. It converts the light into electrical signals that travel along the optic nerve to the brain. The brain interprets these signals to 'see' the world around us.

The eye is filled with a clear jelly-like substance called the vitreous gel. Light passes through the vitreous gel to focus on the retina. When the vitreous jelly comes away from the retina this is called a vitreous detachment.  The movement of the vitreous away from the retina at the back of the eye creates a tug on the retina.  The retina reacts by sending a small electrical charge to your brain.  You see this as short, small, flashes of light.

The cure?  None.  The coming away of the vitreous gel from the retina is a process that can take to about 6 months.  When this evolution is complete, normal sight is restored.  However, if the following symptoms appear, then a visit to the Opthalmologist is mandatory; if not immediately, at least within the next 24 hours:

• A sudden appearance of floaters or an increase in their size and number.
• Flashes of light and/or a change/increase in the flashing lights you experience.
• Blurring of vision.
• A dark "curtain" moving up, down or across your vision, as this may mean that the retina has already partially detached.

Aaah...this thing called ageing!

Winter of My Life

Found this piece written by Patrick Timm that so aptly describes the sunset phase of life....

BY: PATRICK TIMM
"I have always enjoyed autumn, it is the best season of all. Crisp cool days. Breezes blowing colorful leaves throughout the air. I can finally wear a sweatshirt or jacket and be comfortable. Fresh snow on the craggy peaks. Anticipation of the upcoming holidays. Cozy evenings by the fireplace. A time to slow down and reflect of the past.

This year as I sit here in the middle  of the winter season and look out at the cold sunshine I began to think. Time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems like yesterday that I was young starting my career and family. Yet in a way, it seems like a lifetime ago, and I  wonder where all the years went. I have lived them all and have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But here it is, the winter of my life in reality. I guess it caught me by surprise, oh how did it get here so fast?

Where did the years go and where did my youth go? Reminds me of the song “Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing . . .”

Throughout my years I saw older people thinking that those older people were years away from me. The fact is—my friends are retired and getting gray. I look at them and they are older now, some move a little slower. I can see the change. I  am now one of those older folks that I used to see and never thought I would be there. Almost everything is an effort now, just taking care of myself. Taking a nap doesn’t seem like a treat anymore but a necessity.

Well, now I must come to the realization that this is final season of my life for I have lived through spring, summer and fall. I am unprepared for the aches and pains and the inability to go back and do all the things that I wish I had done. On the calendar the winter season has a predetermined set of days. In life I don’t really know my remaining days. Two or three years, 12 or 20 years? I do know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s over. 

Regrets? Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done and things I should have done . My one pleasure is knowing there are many things I’m happy to have done. Spring, summer and fall, yeah I was busy.

If one figures there are twenty years to each of the four seasons of an average life, think where you are as they come and go quickly. Whatever you would like to accomplish in your life do it now.

Of course we never have the promise that we will see all the seasons of life so live each day to the fullest. I realize my children are becoming me. I get a little forgetful at times—I like to think it is just all that data in my memory banks overflowing.

I look at my clothes in my closet, I must have several sizes of clothes. Heck, I will never wear most of them.

Getting old is enjoyable in some ways, I daydream of the good old days, old songs, old movies, old friends, playing outside and other antics. A life much simpler than now. No worries then. Life was eternal.

I remember my Father-In-Law in  his winter season of life. He always had ripe bananas in his fruit bowl on the table. I made mention of this one time and he replied that at his age he doesn’t buy any green bananas. That always stuck in my mind. I chuckle each time I select a banana now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not giving up on life—just realizing I must make the most of my remaining days for they are numbered. The actual spring season is about 75 days away but my mind and body will be frozen in the winter of my life throughout the remaining calendar seasons that God grants me to see .  No mid-life crisis, way beyond  that. Each sunset will be a reminder of my life that I have lived.

Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?

Where have all the flowers gone?
Young girls have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time passing?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Gone to flowers, everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?"

Adrenaline Junkie: 40 Rules to Live Your Life By

Lessons From the Crash of Germanwings Flight 4U9525

With the information that deceased Germanwings pilot Andreas Lubitz had suffered from depression, perhaps employers need to focus on this aspect of employees' health. Sadly, depression is often misunderstood by society at large and this is why Lubitz had hidden this illness from his employers.

Society tends to look at depression as a "mental illness" which carries negative conotations such as insanity, weakness and excessive emotion. Granted, it is a condition of the mind, but it is like any illness as it is treatable with medication and therapy. It is caused by the imbalance of hormones in the brain but unfortunately, if a person declares that he/she is depressed, this often is used against the employee and may have an impact on one's career advancement. Hence, the reason why Lubitz hid the truth from his employers.

The most famous depressed personality is the painter Vincent Van Gogh. His famous paintings (usually a riot of vibrant colors) were a reflection of his tortured mind, which had led to him being institutionalised, and eventually, suicide.

The following is a good article on understanding depression. If you think you are depressed, seek professional help.

Remember, depression is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign that you have tried to be strong for far too long....

PS
Investigators have determined that Lubitz did inform his employers about his illness and there is now a raging debate about who knows what when.  However, it still remains that depression is a much-misunderstood illness and society at large needs to be educated on how to recognize symptoms and seek help.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm