I have often been asked why I had chosen to remain single after becoming a widow (I am now into my 32nd year of widowhood). Well, it's like this. I became a widow at the age of 37 and my only son was 4. Since I was the sole breadwinner my whole focus from then on was on work and my son. I was fortunate that I had a good job and was financially independent. I was also fortunate to have my late mum helped me with taking care of my son.
By the time Nash completed his secondary school thirteen years later, I was 50 and I suddenly realized that the train had left the station. There were suitors but they were all M&Ms (married and mortgaged, not the chocolate, ok!). I was also cautious about a stepfather entering my son's life and after being single for more than 10 years, I could not see myself settling down to be a housewife again. I have always been outgoing and independent and I did not want to give up my independence just to have a life partner. I also did not want to deal with issues related to ex wives and step children. Don't get me wrong, I am not against the institution of marriage but I just think it is not for me after being single for so long. I don't think I can make the adjustments to being a wife again. Although I am outgoing by nature, I am also a loner at heart. I enjoy moments of solitude and I feel comfortable walking into a restaurant alone, ordering a meal and reading a good book all by myself. Yes, there are pros and cons for being single but I think I am happier being single. But who knows....maybe if someone shows up who would sweep me off my feet I might feel differently. But for now it'll be me, myself and I.
