On Honorifics

Malaysia is a country where Honorifics (titles such as Tan Sri, Datuk Seri, Datuk, etc.) have become a fixation. I am always nervous when meeting “titled” people because I cannot keep up with who has what title. Many former colleagues of mine have moved on and are now “Datuks” and I don’t want to offend “Datuk Ahmad” by greeting him with a “how are you, Mat?”

If that is not bad enough, we also have to deal with some wives (not all) who are very particular that they are addressed correctly too, even when socialising with friends.

I remember an incident when I attended an engagement ceremony with my mum. The person who invited us was a relative with a title…..so, many ladies amongst the guests had titles too. As in any Malay engagement ceremony, we were seated on the carpet and my mum was getting restless as the ceremony had not started. A group of well-dressed ladies were heard chatting about their family. Each of the ladies had a title as they addressed each other as either Puan Sri or Datin. My mum then whispered to me…”these ladies appear to be good friends but they are addressing each other by title...why can't they address each other by name?”

A friend once told me she was in an elevator in an upscale hotel and a smartly-dressed lady walked in. My friend, being the ever friendly person that she is, thought the lady looked like she was a Datin and greeted her with a “Good morning, Datin”…to which the latter scowled at her and announced “I’m a Puan Sri”! Ooooops!

In yet another situation, a Datuk had three wives and all use the title Datin. Wife No. 2 was divorced but she continued to use the title. One day, a friend of mine, who happened to know both Wife No. 1 and No. 2, received a call from No. 1 advising her not to address No. 2 as Datin as she was no longer married to the Datuk. My friend then decided that she would stop addressing Wife No. 1 and No. 2 by title but explained herself before doing so. Her reason? As an outsider it was impossible for her to know who's been divorced so to be safe and since they went back a long way, she would prefer to address them by name.

Go to any golf club and you will find a large number of the ladies have titles. In one particular club, the Indonesian lady manning the half-way hut addressed all lady golfers (including yours truly) as “Tin” (short for Datin). I told her that I was not one and that she should be careful when addressing all ladies as Datins because a Puan Sri might be offended if she is being addressed as Datin. Looking worried, she said she could not tell who is a Puan Sri….poor lady, she was obviously terrified that a Puan Sri might take offence and report her to the management!