Is Male Chivalry Dead?

A friend recently related an incident that occurred when she went to Ikea with her ten-year old son to purchase a bookcase. The bookcase was placed on a trolley and she was wheeling the trolley to the cashier. As the rather large package was laid sideways across the trolley, while maneuvering her way down the aisle, one side caught on to a display piece of furniture and the package fell off the trolley.

As she was struggling to haul the heavy package back onto the trolley, a Malay couple, in their forties, walked by and they behaved as if she was invisible. They did not even look her way and proceeded to look around. From a distance, a Mat Salleh (local slang for a Westerner) couple, in their thirties with a baby, saw what was happening and they came forward to assist. The man handed over their baby to his wife and he helped my friend to get the package back onto the trolley. His wife was especially concerned for her ten-year old son who was also struggling to help his mummy.

This lack of civic consciousness towards the elderly, disabled and females is a sad phenomena in Malaysian society today. Granted, the culprits are not only men but women as well but the subject of discussion today is male chivalry. I don't want to generalize but it's safe to say that by and large, regardless of their social standing, chivalry is dead amongst Malaysian men. How many times have you seen the elderly and pregnant women struggling to maintain their balance on LRTs while those able-bodied males sat nonchalantly on seats that are reserved for the disabled and pregnant women? I once rode on the LRT with my arm in a sling after a shoulder surgery and all those sitting on the reserved seats actually pretended to sleep. I actually woke up the most macho of them all and asked him to give up his seat to me. For this, I got dirty looks from his girlfriend!

Then, there was this incident at Cherating Resort in Kuantan when my car had a flat tire. I had checked out and at the car park, found that my car had a flat tire. A Malay couple walked by and the husband looked like he wanted to help - but his Home Minister quickly took his hand and guided him on...and I was not even alone...I was with my mother and teenage son!

Another interesting observation I would like to share is the behavior of Malay men when they are accompanied by their wives. For whatever reason, many fall into "temporary amnesia" when they meet friends or colleagues of the opposite sex, particularly if she is alone. I once met a colleague - a professional, no less - at a shopping complex and he was with his wife. He had always been a genial person at work but on that occasion, he suddenly did not recognize me, even though were walking towards each other, coming from opposite directions. I was actually embarrassed because I was smiling and he ignored me. From that incident, I vowed not to smile at any male colleague or acquaintance accompanied by their Home Ministers or girlfriends, unless they make the first move.

So to all you guys out there, we can understand your affliction with "temporary amnesia" in social situations - but, for god sakes, when we need help, be a gentleman lah! Lend us a hand, even if your Home Minister is with you! We do not expect you to emulate Sir Walter Raleigh - that would be too much to ask. Just show common courtesies like helping us get our luggage from the overhead compartment on a plane, opening the door at a shopping complex when we are laden with our purchases and giving up your seat on the LRT to the elderly, disabled and pregnant ladies.