Relationships

(Relationship Mind Map by: Adam Sicinski)

I have often wondered what are the criterion for an ideal relationship between two people who profess to love each other. Is it the similarities that they share, the differences that make them individuals or something in between? It would indeed be boring if your partner likes exactly everything that you like. Likewise, if there are too many differences between them, it would indeed be tough to enjoy each other’s company. If the answer is “something in between”, how do you decide what’s that “something”?

I am one who values my independence to be able to enjoy the company of friends once in a while, instead of being with the same person (even if he is my partner) all the time. I find exclusivity suffocating. Being an Aquarian, I am a free-spirited individual and believe that if I am given the freedom to be myself, I would flourish but if I am reined in, I resent the person reining me and over time, that resentment would show through.

Likewise, I would give my partner free rein to enjoy the company of his friends once in a while, within limits. By the way, these limits apply both ways. In other words, it is freedom to enjoy the company of others but one that is based on trust. Trust is the central tenet to a successful relationship and once that trust is betrayed, I find it difficult to forgive, let alone forget. I feel so strongly about this that I am sure if betrayed, I would want out, without a second thought.

Now, back to that “something” in between. It is hard to define but I think to get the relationship on the right footing, both parties must discuss early in their relationship what their similarities and differences are. Where there are differences, both must be willing to adapt/adjust to the extent that the differences become more palatable to the other. However, the idea is not to adapt/adjust to the point that you become exactly what your partner wants you to be because then, you are no longer yourself.

Another important criteria for me is a partner who is willing to share household chores as I am not particularly domesticated. Sharing such chores will definitely help in bonding. If he is not willing to do so, then a live-in maid would help because a tired wife would not be an ideal partner for intimacy at night.

Communication is also key to a successful relationship because we cannot expect to be mind readers to “know” what the other party wants. It is important to communicate what you want and how you feel about any issue in a positive way, without attacking the other party. Contentious issues are best not discussed in the heat of the moment for it can lead to hurtful words that you don’t mean...difficult as it may be, give it some time and you will find that it is easier to get your point across when you are not angry.

Last but not least, intimacy is also important. My idea of an ideal relationship is one where both partners are not ashamed to verbalize and show their feelings for each other. It would be disappointing to show intimacy to someone who freezes up or behaves like a robot.

A certain degree of freedom based on mutual trust, sharing household chores, open communication, being able to discuss contentious issues in a rational manner and intimacy - are these the ingredients of a successful relationship? Not really, for there are other little things that, if they are missing, could result in BIG issues....aahh, the complexities of life!