Turning 60 on February 12, 2012 was a time for me to take stock of my life so far. It was a time to reflect on what I'd been through - my successes, failures, disappointments and tragedies...to list a few.
Entering the 6th decade of one's existence is quite sobering. Somehow, the fragility of life stares at you in the face. But I am determined to live out the rest of my life doing what I have enjoyed doing and being closer to Allah.
My life to date has been filled with personal tragedies - I lost my beloved significant other in a bloody accident at the age of 37 and I was left with a 4-year old son. What followed was a series of health issues, surgeries and the trauma of learning that my beloved mum had cancer.
No one entered a marriage thinking about how it would end...especially when the marriage was only entering its 8th year; yet, there I was at age 37....facing the prospect of a life alone with a young son whose future depended on how strong I was.
They say you never know how strong you are until you are tested and I had my share of "tests" that I faced squarely because I did not know what else to do. In the process, the stress took its toll on my health leading to numerous surgeries....14 surgeries to date. Somehow, fate had dealt me with the cruelest blows imaginable and 3 of my surgeries went horribly wrong which required further revision surgeries. During those hours of darkness, I had relied on friends who rallied around me with words of comfort and helping where they could to lessen the burden that I had to shoulder. I have a small family and my other two sisters live in Australia and up north in Kedah, so I had to rely on my close friends for help.
Mum was a tower of strength in her own quiet ways. She understood my pain having gone through a divorce herself and she brought up 3 daughters on her own. So, imagine the trauma I went through when I learnt that mum had cancer (early stage of lymphoma). I accepted that it was Allah's test of my "iman" (faith) and I plodded on; taking care of her health issues while dealing with mine.
I was very fortunate in that I had a successful career which helped me to remain financially independent. However, when the stress of my personal issues became too much to bear, I made the bold decision to retire earlier than I had planned. It was, indeed, a difficult decision that I agonised over but Allah is great; what he taketh he also giveth. My decision to retire was the best decision I had ever made in my life. After retiring, I found more time to concentrate on taking care of mum while also having more time to do the things that I'd always wanted to do.
I was very fortunate in that I had a successful career which helped me to remain financially independent. However, when the stress of my personal issues became too much to bear, I made the bold decision to retire earlier than I had planned. It was, indeed, a difficult decision that I agonised over but Allah is great; what he taketh he also giveth. My decision to retire was the best decision I had ever made in my life. After retiring, I found more time to concentrate on taking care of mum while also having more time to do the things that I'd always wanted to do.
A life-changing event happened when I suffered from a surgery which nearly took my life. Those were the darkest days of my life. While I fought to get well in the hospital, my mum was recovering from cancer at home. I felt so helpless that I was unable to care for her and I did not tell her what had actually happened to me because I did not want her to worry.
During those dark days, I had a calling from Allah...for me to perform the 5th pillar of Islam i.e. the Haj. I performed the Haj in late 2009, 6 months after recovery from a major surgery. Since then, I realised that my life had thus far been spiritually empty. I was born a Muslim but being the sole breadwinner, I had been too occupied in chasing one promotion after another, the material things in life, that I had neglected my religious obligations. In a sense, I was "lost" and it was an awakening for which I am very grateful.
During those dark days, I had a calling from Allah...for me to perform the 5th pillar of Islam i.e. the Haj. I performed the Haj in late 2009, 6 months after recovery from a major surgery. Since then, I realised that my life had thus far been spiritually empty. I was born a Muslim but being the sole breadwinner, I had been too occupied in chasing one promotion after another, the material things in life, that I had neglected my religious obligations. In a sense, I was "lost" and it was an awakening for which I am very grateful.
So, in entering the 60th year of my life, I have made a pledge to myself that I will strive to be closer to Allah and continue to care for mum while she is still around; while still doing the things that I like to do - like playing golf with my friends. You can say I have come full circle. It was a long and painful journey to get to where I am today but I feel blessed that Allah still loves me and has given me another chance to be a good Muslim. Thank you, Allah, for your blessings...amiin!
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