The Twilight Years

It seemed like just yesterday that dear mum, aged 82, was still able to walk, albeit rather slowly.  Now, all of a sudden, it appears that she is going downhill pretty fast!

She is now unable to perform even the basic act of getting out of bed without help.  Her strength has suddenly gone, she is totally dependent on others to get by.  This must be frustrating for one who has always been an independent, fiesty lady.  She braved a divorce at a "young" age (thirties) and single-handedly raised three daughters who have grown up to be successful adults.

She is still mentally alert and her face belies her age but just does not have the strength to carry out the basics of day-to-day living.  Just where did it all disappear?  Ageing is an ongoing process but is there a point when there is a step change in the person's ability?  I seem to think so and that point is now in mum's case.

As I watch this transformation taking place, I cannot help but wonder when would this step change occur for me?  Seventies...eighties?  

Confessions of a Shoe-Bagholic

Imelda Marcos' Shoe Collection...she had 724 Pairs!

If I like a handbag, I'd buy them in all available colors!

There was a time when I'd go ga-ga everytime I receive a notice in the mail regarding an upcoming ISETAN Sale. It would usually start on a Friday for members only where additional discounts are offered over and above the advertised discounted price.

Sometimes, I even applied for leave that Friday so that I'd be the early ones (because these sales on Fridays were usually PACKED and car parks would be full too)! Although I noticed that the same items were offered for sale again and again....it did not matter...as long as it's a SALE. The newer items are regularly priced so we would be rummaging through items that we've seen at the last sale....and there's a sale every few months.....but who cares....so long as it's a sale, we must buy!

My favs are shoes and handbags. I have them in various colors to match...if I like a bag in a certain color, then I'd make sure I'd also buy a pair of shoes to match. Did I really get to use all the shoes that I owned (at one time I had about 35 pairs)? Yes, some more than others. For work I usually stuck to the "safe" basic colors like black, brown, white, red, blue, etc. but for social outings, I'd make sure I use the other colors like orange, pink, purple, green, etc. Every night, I would prepare for the next day's wardrobe to work and made sure that if I changed to another handbag, I did not leave my keys behind!

Today, I have given away most of the shoes and handbags because as a retiree where would I go in a pair of green shoes with matching handbag? Also, my "knee-monia" can no longer take walking in a 2-inch stiletto heel. My shoes nowadays are mostly flip flops and slightly heeled Mary Janes for walking and, of course, my golf shoes!  At one time, I owned 17 pairs of golf shoes but one by one, some had to be discarded due to under-use (they just fall apart)!

Nowadays, I don't even bother to read any sales brochure that I receive from ISETAN...they are consigned immediately to the trash can!

If I count all the money that I had spent on shoes/handbags in my 32-years working career...it'll be quite a tidy sum but it's interesting how one's perspectives towards material things change with age...at least for me. Now, I'm just thankful for my health and to be able to enjoy golf with friends.

Now, every time before I purchase a discretionary item, I'd ask myself "do I really NEED this"?. The answer is always "NO"!  See what a little self-discipline can do for you?

When I Grow Old And Feeble....

When I grow old and feeble
With my creaky bones for company
I look at my treasured pics and mumble
Wow...that used to be ME!

Skydive over Marana, Arizona - circa 1983

After Royal Command Performance - Sungei Besi Airforce Base (circa 1982)

ASEAN Parachuting Championship - Bogor, Indonesia (circa 1984)

National Panasonic Karaoke Competition (1st runner-up) - 1991

Guest singer @ Bollywood/Hollywood Night - 2011

Representing Esso Recreation Club Malaysia @ Triangular Meet - Singapore (1987)

Bogor Raya Golf Club, Indonesia (2008)

Royal Pines Golf Club - Gold Coast, Queensland (May 2012)

Kajang Hill Golf Club (circa 2008)

Atop Mt Kinabalu - August 31, 1981

ATV Adventure - Kemensah ATV Park, KL (October 2011)

Jamming @ Bora Ombak (May 2010)

Remembering THE Day.....

Sunday, August 13, 1989.  I had to work that day as I had just returned from a week's vacation in Bali with the family and there was a lot of catching up to do at work.  Before  hubby and I left that morning, our 4-year old son, Nash, unusually threw a tantrum...wanting to come along.  He usually was a good boy and never cried when we left for work.

Hubby had a full-dress rehearsal for a parachute jump into Stadium Merdeka that day for the SEA (South East Asia) Games opening ceremony.  I dropped him off at the Sungei Besi Air Base where he would board the jump plane, before I set off to work.

At around 2 p.m. I drove to Stadium Merdeka to pick him up.  However, when I reached the Stadium, an anxious fellow parachutist, Aziz Ahmad, was waiting for me at the entrance.  He instructed me to let him park the car and I was being led by another parachutist (I cannot remember his name now) to the Ops Room upstairs.  As I made my way through the crowd, press photographers started to take my photos.  At that time, I felt a sense of foreboding and fear that the worst had happened.

The parachute jump was organised by the army and the Ops Room was full of army big guns.  I was seated across a Colonel and a fellow parachutist, Major (R) Mike Shukor.  Mike started off by saying that something had happened to hubby and he then broke down....I sat there dumbfounded and suddenly, the words "dia dah takde ke"? (he's no longer around?) blurted from my mouth.  Mike could only nod his head and at that time, I was struck with a sense of numbness.  I cried a little...I was in a daze....I was confused...was this real?

From that moment on, I was like a zombie...I just followed whatever instructions were given and I could not feel anything or even think.  I was taken to the General Hospital mortuary where I identified his body.  I noted that his face was intact but he had a small cut on his forehead.  At the hospital grounds, there were several pressmen taking my photos and wanting to interview me but I just ignored them....too distraught to even say anything.

Events that followed now flash through my mind like a scene from a sad movie of long ago....people coming to the house to offer prayers....the tearful scene that struck everyone's hearts when Nash wailed "I want my ayah (father)" as his body was taken to the grave site for burial....the "doa selamat" (thanksgiving prayers) held for several nights and then....everyone went back to their own lives and there I was....facing life  alone with a 4-year old son!

Today, 23 years on, the pain has lessened but the memories remain.  So many things had happened in the last 23 years that made me a stronger person today.  When I looked back at the last 23 years, I wondered where I found the strength to overcome the challenges that I faced.  But Allah is great...whatever "tests" he put you through, he made sure you had the strength to endure and that in the end, you benefit from the adversities you faced.  Today, I accept what fate had dealt me and I am thankful to Allah for giving me the chance to redeem my past transgressions before my time is up.  Amiin!

Conquering Mt Kinabalu

It happened 31 years ago...but the memories of climbing Mt Kinabalu are still vivid in my mind.

Mt Kinabalu is 4,095 metres (13,435 ft) high at its summit, known as Low's Peak.  It is a World Heritage Site and is protected as Kinabalu National Park. 

The word "Kinabalu" is extracted from the short form for the Kadazan Dusun word "Aki Nabalu" meaning "the revered place of the dead".  It is believed that long ago, the dead were buried atop Mt Kinabalu.  To climb Mt Kinabalu, one does not require mountaineering experience, but one has to be physically fit.  Training in climbing is also highly recommended as climbing requires greater use of your quadriceps and hamstrings, among other muscles.

At Kinabalu National Park before the climb 

We arrived at Kinabalu National Park on August 29, 1981 and after a night's rest, we began the climb the next morning at around 8 a.m., accompanied by guides and porters who carried our supplies on their backs.  The porters (all youngsters) seemed like they have 3 lungs.  Some were not properly attired (like we were) to climb but they were able to sprint with the loads on their back.  We were told that they had to walk about 10 km from their respective villages just to get to work at the National Park.  

Flora along the climb

The initial part of the climb was relatively easy but as the journey wore on, it became harder - on your lungs and legs.  All of us had to carry a 5-litre supply of drinking water and some chocolates (for energy).  As we got to higher altitude, even these supplies (and the jackets we wore) felt like a burden and some wished they could throw them away!

I could remember the feeling of "oh my God...how much further?"  every time I stopped to catch my breath.  Each time I looked up, I saw a looming tower of mountain to climb.  As the journey progressed, another group behind ours who started out strumming their guitars fell quiet - and I am sure the temptation to get rid of the guitars must have been strong too!  The thin mountain air at higher altitude also caused some of us (yours truly included) to suffer from hypoxia due to lack of oxygen.  It caused drowsiness and if one stopped to rest for too long one could fall asleep.  The guides were on hand to make sure that did not happen because we had to reach the camp at Laban Rata before it got dark.

My late hubby climbing on hands and feet

Laban Rata is located at a height of about 3,000 metres.  Today, Laban Rata boasts of hotel-like facilities for climbers but back in the '80s, there were only shacks with no hot showers or food.  I remember shivering in the cold that night trying to get some sleep and sometime during the night, I was rudely awaken by a rat nibbling at my feet.  The place was infested with rats because of food left over by climbers.  We ate whatever supply we brought along - biscuits and maggi mee.  It rained that night and I thought with dread of the next morning when we have to make the final assault to the peak!

Mt Kinabalu covered in mist - as seen from the National Park

The final (and hardest) part of the climb began at 2 a.m. the next day, which fell on August 31, 1981.  We were dressed for cold weather (jackets and gloves) and each of us carried a torchlight to find our way in the dark.  The final part of the climb was on rock surfaces and having rained the night before, we had to be extra careful on the slippery rocks. 

The first part of the climb involved climbing along a ridge which had to be done in single file.  There were ropes to hold on to and as the group snaked its way on the ridge, I felt a sense of trepidation...what if someone falls off this ledge in the dark?  During the climb, one climber got cold feet and suddenly stopped in the middle of the ridge, prompting those behind her to scream...urging her to move on!

As we got higher, the rocks became steeper and the air became thinner.  I remember a couple of members in the party could not make it to the last few hundred feet because they felt too sick.  The thin mountain air caused them to be dizzy and nauseated.

As dawn arrived, I crawled on all fours to get to the peak and having reached the mountain top, I felt a sense of relief never felt before.  The quietness and majestic beauty of the mountain made me feel so small and insignificant amid Allah's creation.  Mt Kinabalu stood proudly in the dawn...a towering yet foreboding beauty!

We signed the log book to record our presence and made the journey down immediately after.  The descent had to begin the latest by 7 a.m. as it would be dangerous after that due to mist covering the mountain top.  

The descent was much harder than the ascent - as I seemed to have lost control of my thigh/leg muscles.  The path was also muddy and slippery due to rain the night before and it was hard on the knees.  Negotiating the ledge that we had climbed the night before, I was horrified to see how narrow it was.  The rocks stood 90 degrees leading to a dark chasm below!  I thought to myself that it was lucky we climbed in the dark.  Had we climbed in daylight, some people would probably have been frozen by fear!   As my legs were hurting, on the rock surfaces, I slid down on my butt rather than used my legs and by the time I reached base camp, my jeans and undies were in tatters!  My late hubby (who was then recovering from an injured ankle due to skydiving) and I were the last couple to reach the peak and to return to the National Park.

We left Kota Kinabalu on September 2 and three days later (September 5, 1981) we had our "bersanding" (marriage) ceremony. Every single bone and muscle in our bodies ached from the climb and I felt like a robot walking to the hall where the ceremony was held! 


Would I climb a mountain again?  NO...it is something I would do only once especially now that I am suffering from "knee-monia"....LOL!

The group that climbed Mt Kinabalu on August 31, 1981

Yesterday When I Was Young

It's a Tuesday morning and here I am listening to songs that I grew up with.  One that I really liked (for the significance of its lyrics) is Shirley Bassey's "Yesterday When I Was Young".

As I listened, I could see my life as a screenplay before my eyes.  The foolish things one does when one is young, the devil-may-care attitude towards life and people, the people you love who hurt you and the dreams you dreamed that never came true.

Do I miss the years of youth?  Yes and no.  Yes, because there were so many things to do and explore and being young you somehow feel a sense of invincibility.  No, because what I had gone through in my younger years actually prepared me for what was to come in my later years.  I had learnt to listen to my inner voice instead of other people; I had learnt to pick myself up when I fall - and I had fallen hard many, many times.  I am what I am today because of what I went through when I was younger.

Yes, I made mistakes - some of which were due to my belief that it's my life and no one has the right to judge me.  They did not go through the pain that I went through and it was as if having gone through all that pain, I am entitled to do what I want to.  Mistakes are part of being human; you call them experience that teaches you life's hard lessons.  Some of the mistakes that I had made are still being paid for today but that is the nature of life.

"Life is not about waiting for storms to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain" - Anon

Journey to Jerusalem (Baitulmaqddis)

Jerusalem

Abu Hurairah (ra) relates that the Prophet (PBUH) said, "You should not undertake a special journey to visit any place other than the following three Masjids with the expectations of getting greater reward: The Sacred Masjid of Makkah (Ka'abah), this Masjid of mine (the Prophet's Masjid in Madinah) and Masjid Al-Aqsa (of Jerusalem)". In another narration, the words are, "For three Masjids a special journey may be undertaken: The Sacred Masjid (Ka'abah), my Masjid and Masjid of Jerusalem (Al-Aqsa). (Muslim, Bukhari, Abu Dawud).

Abu Drada (ra) relates that the Prophet (PBUH) said, "A prayer in Makkah (Ka'abah) is worth 100,000 times (reward), a prayer in my masjid (Madinah) is worth 1,000 times and a prayer in Al-Aqsa Sanctuary is worth 500 times more reward than anywhere else". (Tabarani, Bayhaqi, Suyuti)

==============================================

The three holiest mosques in Islam are Masjid Al-Haram (Makkah), Masjid Al-Nabawi (Madinah) and Masjid Al-Aqsa (Jerusalem or, Baitulmaqddis to Muslims), in that order. It is the dream of every Muslim to be able to pray in each of these mosques. While the first two are easily accessible in Saudi Arabia, the third is not so accessible since it is located in Israel.

Al-Aqsa is revered as it is the only site in the world that all prophets performed the Solat (prayer) at one time. It was Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) who led them in prayers before he ascended to the seven heavens and eventually met with Allah, accompanied by the angel Gabriel (Jibrail), in the event known to Muslims as Israq and Mi'raj. In a single night, the angel Gabriel transported the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) from the Kaabah in Makkah, on a steed (Buraq) to "the furthest mosque" - which is believed to be Masjid Al-Aqsa in Jerusalem. It was from Masjid Al-Aqsa that the Prophet ascended to the heavens.

Al-Aqsa was also the first Qiblah (direction towards which Muslims face when they pray) before it was changed to the Kaabah in Makkah.

On my recent Umrah trip, my wish to pray in Al-Aqsa was granted by Allah the Almighty.

We arrived in Amman, Jordon at around 5 am on a cold, wet, morning. Rain and snow greeted our arrival in Amman. The plan was to enter Israel from across the border in Jordan, at a place known as the King Hussein Border Crossing. The distance between Amman and our destination is around 45km. The reason for entering at the King Hussein Border Crossing was that one can enter without having their passport stamped by the Israeli authorities. Many do not want their passports stamped because it will disallow them from entering other Arab countries who do not recognise Israel. Malaysia too does not recognise Israel so we certainly do not want our passports stamped.

The plan was to spend one night in Jerusalem and before leaving Amman, we were instructed to carry only what we needed for an overnight trip. This is because the Israeli authorities routinely check entire luggages, no matter how long it may take. We left our luggages in a storage place in Amman.

On arrival at the Israeli border checkpoint (known as Allenby Terminal), we had to go through security screening. The scene at the border post was chaotic, with machine-gun toting soldiers (young men and women in their twenties) barking orders.

Allenby Terminal (Israeli Checkpoint)

When it was my turn, the sensor sounded (as I had expected) due to a metal implant that I have in my knee. I was asked to stand aside before being led to an examination room. There, a female security officer asked me if I (1) spoke English and (2) had a weapon with me. I answered in the affirmative to the first question and negative to the second. I further explained that I have a metal implant in my knee and offered to show her the scar - however, she said I have to go through a complete check.

I was asked to remove my coat, followed by my shoes, which were scanned. Then, I was asked to stand with my hands and legs apart (spreadeagled) and she ran the scan on my body, including in between my crotch. Next, I was asked to turn around and she repeated the scan, this time running the scanner between my butt. Finally, she scanned my knee and the sensor triggered. At this point, she asked me to lift my pants to show her the scar.

Next, we went through Immigration check. In our visa application form, we were asked to provide the names of our grandparents and when we got to the Immigration counter, we understood why. The Immigration Officer would ask us the names of our grandparents and if the names did not match the info that they had, the visitor would be asked to stand aside. This happened to several of my travel mates; they had provided the names of their paternal grandparents in the application and when questioned by the Immigration officer, they provided the names of their maternal grandparents, or vice-versa. In my case, I was again singled for scrutiny because my passport had a photo in which I did not have a headscarf; with hair dyed brown to boot! The officer stared at me and the photo for what seemed like an eternity and finally asked me to remove my spectacles and had me photographed.

While waiting to board another bus (the bus from Amman was not allowed to enter Israel), I went to the ladies restroom to adjust my headscarf. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a female security guard popped up and she observed what I was doing. Then, I went to the toilet cubicle and she stood outside the door until I was done. It was indeed unnerving to say the least!

Our Palestinian guide from Amman could not cross into Israel because Palestinians who had left Israel are no longer allowed to return so we picked up another guide in Israel. At the checkpoint, we also saw a Palestinian family of four with what seemed like their worldly possessions being turned back after waiting for 2 hours! This is a reflection of Israel's policy to rid Jerusalem of Muslims!

Our new guide told us that were lucky to have spent just over 2 hours at the checkpoint. He cited a case where a group of Pakistanis had to spend 12 hours at the checkpoint and in the end, three were denied entry!

We stopped for lunch at the town of Jericho, the oldest and lowest city in the world. After some souvenir shopping, we continued our journey to Jerusalem.

We arrived Jerusalem at around noon and by that time, it had started to rain lightly. To get to the Al-Aqsa mosque from where the bus dropped us required a long walk - it felt like more than a kilometer - through a maze of narrow, cobble-stoned, streets. We also had to negotiate steps that were quite slippery due to the rain.

Stairs to climb to get to the Al-Aqsa Mosque

The Al-Aqsa Mosque is part of a large complex of religious buildings in Jerusalem's old city known to Muslims as Al-Haram Al-Shariff (Noble Sanctuary) and to the Jews as Temple Mount. For the Jews, the Temple Mount is the place where, according to Jewish belief, redemption will take place when the promised Messiah arrives. There are also sacred Christian sites in Jerusalem including the Church of the Holy Sepulchre - believed to be the site of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, the Church of John the Baptist and other sacred sites.

We arrived in time for Zohor/Asar prayers at the Dome of the Rock Mosque. After that, the guide took us to the rock from where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) ascended to the heavens. This rock is in the Dome of the Rock mosque and a picture is seen below:

Dome of the Rock Mosque

The rock under the Dome of the Rock

A Cave-Like Area Under the Rock

After that, we went to a nearby building to pay zakat (tithes) as our contribution to the Palestinian cause. The zakat was received by the Imam of the Al-Aqsa Mosque.

After checking into a hotel, we had a short rest before it was time to go the Al-Aqsa Mosque for Maghrib prayers. By this time, the weather had turned chilly with strong, cold winds and it was quite uncomfortable for some in the group who were not adequately clothed for such cold weather.

Inside Al-Aqsa Mosque

The next morning, after breakfast, we left for Amman with stops to visit the graves/mosques of Nabi Sulaiman (Solomon) and Nabi Musa (Moses). However, due to heavy rain, some of us did not make the trip to these places as we preferred to remain dry on the bus!

After an en-route stop at the Dead Sea Resort in Jordan, it was off to Amman to collect our luggage and continue our journey to Jeddah for the Umrah in Makkah and Madinah.

Turning 60...

Turning 60 on February 12, 2012 was a time for me to take stock of my life so far. It was a time to reflect on what I'd been through - my successes, failures, disappointments and tragedies...to list a few.

Entering the 6th decade of one's existence is quite sobering. Somehow, the fragility of life stares at you in the face. But I am determined to live out the rest of my life doing what I have enjoyed doing and being closer to Allah.

My life to date has been filled with personal tragedies - I lost my beloved significant other in a bloody accident at the age of 37 and I was left with a 4-year old son. What followed was a series of health issues, surgeries and the trauma of learning that my beloved mum had cancer.

No one entered a marriage thinking about how it would end...especially when the marriage was only entering its 8th year; yet, there I was at age 37....facing the prospect of a life alone with a young son whose future depended on how strong I was.

They say you never know how strong you are until you are tested and I had my share of "tests" that I faced squarely because I did not know what else to do. In the process, the stress took its toll on my health leading to numerous surgeries....14 surgeries to date. Somehow, fate had dealt me with the cruelest blows imaginable and 3 of my surgeries went horribly wrong which required further revision surgeries. During those hours of darkness, I had relied on friends who rallied around me with words of comfort and helping where they could to lessen the burden that I had to shoulder. I have a small family and my other two sisters live in Australia and up north in Kedah, so I had to rely on my close friends for help.

Mum was a tower of strength in her own quiet ways. She understood my pain having gone through a divorce herself and she brought up 3 daughters on her own. So, imagine the trauma I went through when I learnt that mum had cancer (early stage of lymphoma). I accepted that it was Allah's test of my "iman" (faith) and I plodded on; taking care of her health issues while dealing with mine.

I was very fortunate in that I had a successful career which helped me to remain financially independent. However, when the stress of my personal issues became too much to bear, I made the bold decision to retire earlier than I had planned. It was, indeed, a difficult decision that I agonised over but Allah is great; what he taketh he also giveth. My decision to retire was the best decision I had ever made in my life. After retiring, I found more time to concentrate on taking care of mum while also having more time to do the things that I'd always wanted to do.

A life-changing event happened when I suffered from a surgery which nearly took my life. Those were the darkest days of my life. While I fought to get well in the hospital, my mum was recovering from cancer at home. I felt so helpless that I was unable to care for her and I did not tell her what had actually happened to me because I did not want her to worry.

During those dark days, I had a calling from Allah...for me to perform the 5th pillar of Islam i.e. the Haj. I performed the Haj in late 2009, 6 months after recovery from a major surgery. Since then, I realised that my life had thus far been spiritually empty. I was born a Muslim but being the sole breadwinner, I had been too occupied in chasing one promotion after another, the material things in life, that I had neglected my religious obligations. In a sense, I was "lost" and it was an awakening for which I am very grateful.

So, in entering the 60th year of my life, I have made a pledge to myself that I will strive to be closer to Allah and continue to care for mum while she is still around; while still doing the things that I like to do - like playing golf with my friends. You can say I have come full circle. It was a long and painful journey to get to where I am today but I feel blessed that Allah still loves me and has given me another chance to be a good Muslim. Thank you, Allah, for your blessings...amiin!

If Animals Could Post on FaceBook....

Goat : Friends, don’t go out, hari raya korban holiday is coming

Pig writes a comment on Goat’s status : “Luckily I am haram” 4 likes.

Goat replies :“Don’t you remember that after hari raya korban is the Chinese new year..? 211 likes

Chicken : If tomorrow I don't update my status, means I am being served at KFC. Love you all.....

Cow : Huh! They are touching my breast again..what do they think I am! Bitch?

Mosquito : I am HIV positive and this is all due to wrong sucking !!!

Octopus : I have just refilled my ink.. hurray!!

Lamb: Awwwww....he's making sheep's eyes at me!

Cockroach : Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle.

Monkey: Stoooopid golfer...play everyday oso cannot get the ball into the hole...so I picked up the ball and put it in!

King Cobra: She actually worships the ground I ssssssslither on...*wink*, *wink*!

Toad: Errrrkkkkk!!!! The princess I kissed turned out to be a pondan :(

Life's A Raging Sea

A lone ship in a raging sea
In search of a safe harbour
With hopes of finding a lee
To ride out the cruel weather

Battered by the pounding waves
Drifting, lost, and lonely
Fuelled by hopes and prayers
Faith in the Him, the Almighty

Emptiness beyond the horizon
With ne’er a ship in sight
Wondering if I could go on
Against this brutal might

A test of grit and determination
And strength I’ve never known
Journeying to an unknown destination
A journey I must make alone

A beacon of light appears
A beacon of hope and salvation
But alas, through eyes filled with tears
Tis only a fragment of my imagination

Dare I continue this journey?
Of a life that must go on
A life of pain and tragedy
Wondering what lies beyond

With newfound strength….a direction, at last
And a dauntless will to go on
For life’s too short to dwell on the past
The darkest hour is before the dawn

Gen Y Workplace

Gen Y (also known as the Millenial Generation, Generation Next, Net Generation, among others) refer to people born in the mid-80s and later; they are children of Baby Boomers.

They are the fastest growing segment of today’s workforce and many issues in the workplace arise because there is a gap between the values, beliefs and attitudes of employees (mostly Gen Y) and their management (typically Baby Boomers). Baby Boomers are those born post WWII up to about 1964.

Generation “Why” guru Eric Chester defines Gen Y as “youth who continually question the standards and expectations imposed by society.” (Check out Eric’s website at www.GenerationWhy.com.).

These young people know no limits. They define the workplace environment as they go along, and feel entitled to everything. They are highly creative, well educated and technologically advanced. The Internet is their playground, and that playground has no boundaries.

Gen Y tend to be tech-savvy, family-centric, achievement-oriented, team-oriented and attention-craving. They seek instant gratification are not afraid to voice their opinion and this is sometimes viewed by their Managers as an “entitlement” attitude.

The 20^th century family, especially in developed nations, tend to be small in number. Hence, Gen Y children tend to be nurtured and pampered by parents born as Baby Boomers.

In the workplace, the most evident impact is an employee population that are sometimes seen as “demanding”. Many openly state they want to be in positions of authority within 5 years of their employment. They are not willing to toil like their Baby Boomer counterparts to advance in their career.

The workplace must also be fun and must cater to their needs, not the other way around. If their expectations are not met, they would not hesitate to leave. Job hopping is common and is not considered a negative on their resume.

As companies try to accommodate the expectations of Gen Y'ers, employees are sometimes assigned to more senior positions without having enough depth. Some employees hold relatively senior positions with high salary but without the benefit of years dirtying their hands on the job.

As Gen Y employees tend to be “wired”, they look for flexible work schedules where they can work where they want. While some positions are able to accommodate this kind of work arrangement, employees need to understand that some jobs cannot be performed remotely – for example, a job requiring face-to-face interaction with customers.

Also, the challenge for management in implementing flexible work schedule is how to manage employee perceptions. Those employees whose requests for flexible work schedule are not granted sometimes feel their managers are biased in their decisions.

Another important aspect of a satisfying job for a Gen Y employee is work life balance. They expect, and rightfully so, their employers to recognise that they are not machines but humans with a life of their own.

Today, many companies have implemented work life balance policies that allow employees flexibility – for example, varied starting/ending times to accommodate personal situations at home.

One impact of a “wired” environment is that the line between work and personal life is often blurred as employees are always connected via cell phones, Internet, Blackberry, etc. Also, in a global world with varying time zones, some employees are expected to work according to other time zones and in such situations, they need to be given time off because of such schedules.

Gen Y’ers are confident, ambitious and achievement-oriented. They are not afraid to challenge status quo at the workplace. Some managers may view this as a threat to their authority. This should not be so – employees must be encouraged to be creative in performing their jobs as long as results are produced with the caveat that the methods must be ethical.

Feedback and guidance are important aspects of the job for Gen Y’ers. They expect to be kept in the loop, and seek frequent praise and reassurance.

Gen Y'ers are known for being in it for more than the paycheck. This means they need to understand how their contribution impacts the company and where it's going. Keeping Gen Y employees engaged with the company direction can be as important as compensation at times.

Communication styles too must be different when dealing with Gen Y’ers. Never talk down to them for they resent it. Use humour occasionally to reassure them.

Gen Y’ers can benefit from mentors to guide them early in their careers.

EUREKA! THE MAGIC FORMULA TO KEEP YOUR MAN FROM STRAYING!

To understand the context of this posting, please read the link below before you proceed:

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/keep-husbands-sexually-satisfied-to-cu/

So, someone finally found the magic formula to solve the age-old problem of philandering husbands - be obedient, be a whore in bed and all will be well. You don't even need love, understanding, respect and companionship. And you won't even have any arguments about money, raising children and in-laws (oooops...I forgot, you're supposed to be obedient so there shouldn't be any arguments, right?). When he strays, BLAME YOURSELF...dammit....you did not please him enough!

Excuse me, Dr Rohaya...which university did you graduate from?? Have you heard of statistics-based research?? Don't we have enough issues to tarnish Malaysia's image on the international platform? We take two steps forward and you set it back two thousand steps. Go live in some cave and give your man all the sex he wants and may you live happily ever after!

In future, please don't open your mouth unless you have something intelligent to say, befitting your status as a Doctor. Students considering a medical degree may even think twice now for fear that somewhere along the way, their brains may get fried too!

My Bucket List...

http://adrenaline-junkie-nd.blogspot.com/2008/10/lessons-from-bucket-list_30.html

1. Attend Quran reading classes and complete program;
2. Umrah which includes visit to Masjid Al-Aqsa (Jerusalem);
3. Another Haj when the upgrading of Makkah is completed (2014?);
4. Visit Machu Picchu, Columbia;
5. Re-visit Zermatt, Switzerland (one of the places I fell in love with when my late husband and I backpacked across Europe on our honeymoon some 3 decades ago);
6. Write a book;
7. Volunteer time in social issues involving women;
8. Obtain professional qualification in counselling and/or psychology.

Kita hanya merancang....Allah menentukan (we only plan....Allah decides)....Insya'allah!

Tears for the Orphans Who Perished....

It was a gut-wrenching scene - when seven orphans who perished in the recent landslide at Hulu Langat were buried en-masse in one grave. Young lives full of potential taken away...teenagers who have yet to realise their dreams in life.

In the wake of the tragedy, news reports surfaced that the parents of some of these "orphans" who perished were estranged. In one case, the tragedy brought the couple together again - vowing to try to make their marriage work. In another case, a single mother found out through the tragedy that her son was given away to the orphanage after their divorce. The husband was granted custody and he gave his son to his sister to be cared for. The sister, in turn, gave the boy away to the orphanage.

While the focus now is on assistance and counselling for whose who survived, one aspect of this tragedy has been overlooked. There are obviously weaknesses in the administration of Syariah laws with regards to a father's responsibility towards his children after a divorce. No one has asked how divorced couples could so easily give away their children to orphanages to be cared for after their divorce. Why are fathers not held accountable for their children's well-being after a divorce? If a single mother is financially unable to care for her children after divorce, why is she burdened with the problem while the father gets away?

The questions above are also linked to my last post on what goes inside the mind of a Muslim polygamist (http://adrenaline-junkie-nd.blogspot.com/2011/05/inside-mind-of-muslim-polygamist.html). Obviously, when a man makes that decision to take a second, third or fourth wife, issues regarding his responsibility towards his children in the event of a divorce are furthest from his mind. Muslim men will always use the argument that Islam allows a man to have four wives - but they conveniently forget that children are Allah's gifts and it is their responsibility to provide for them when they are divorced. And the weaknesses in the administration of syariah laws allow them to get away!

May Allah bless the souls of the youngsters who perished so needlessly....Al-Fatihah!

Inside the Mind of the Muslim Polygamist

Salih (50) with fourth wife-to-be (24)

With his three wives and 8 of his 11 children

My rambling on this subject is triggered by news report in a Malay Daily today that comedienne/DJ/singer Salih Yaacob (pictured above) intends to marry a fourth wife who is more than half his age. He is 50 and she is 24; still a student. This is the same personality who, many months ago, was featured in the same daily talking about how he can provide his three wives with luxury cars and that they are all on good terms with one another. If the wives are happy with one another, why take on another wife? He said "Islam allows a man to have four wives"....PERIOD. That's the typical Muslim polygamist logic...they only stop at the number of wives allowed but does not elaborate that one must be fair in all aspects. It does not matter that one of his children (from Wife No. 3) is confirmed to be suffering from Leukemia - he is going ahead with his marriage.

I have often wondered what drives a Muslim man to take on a second wife. Is it because his current wife is no longer the slim, youthful, lady whom he fell in love with? If so, does he not feel responsible for getting her into her present shape (or lack of it) after having borne him several children? Or, is it because they can no longer stand each other and are merely staying on in the marriage for appearances sake? What about meddling in-laws....sometimes they can also break up a marriage. The reasons are endless and some can even be trivial - like she does not cook fish head curry like his mother does (in this case, he needs to live with his mom, not get married!). Whatever it is, only the man himself knows what the compelling reason is.

Having made the decision to take a second wife, does he then think about how he will financially manage two households? I am trying to put myself in a man's shoes here. I'd be horrified when I do the maths and find that I would not be able to manage on my current earnings. What about the children's education? Obviously, Candidate No. 2 would be a younger lady and children will be on the list of her "wants". Does he calculate how much it would take to see a child through university? Or, maybe he thinks that since Candidate No. 2 is working, she will then be self-supporting? In this case, I wonder what is the point of being married if you have to support yourself financially? Would he rent or buy property to house his second wife? Would he have to buy her a car, like he does for his first wife? Remember, one of the pre-requisites of taking on a second wife is that the husband must be fair in all aspects - materially, emotionally and sexually.

Assuming one has the financial means, being fair materially is do-able. What about emotional and sexual fairness? As a human being, when two persons share a husband, there is bound to be emotional inequity; how would you feel to know that your husband cannot be with you on your birthday because it's Wife No. 2's turn to have him? By the way, this particular incident happened to a friend of mine. What would you tell your sick child who asks for Papa? Do you tell the child that Papa cannot be present because he has other children whom he needs to spend time with?

I would not even dwell on the sexual aspect. I am sure readers are mature enough to understand that even with one wife, some men have problems, let alone more than one!

What does Islam say about polygamy? The Qur’an allows limited polygamy. It states “marry only one”. The context of this statement is from the following verse in the Qur’an:

“…..then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…”

(An Nisa’ = The Women; 4:3)

In the same verse, it is stated:

"And you will never be able to do perfect justice between wives….”

(An Nisa' = The Women: 4:129)

Polygamy, therefore, is the exception rather than the rule. Many mistakenly believe that an Islamic man must have more than one wife. Many too, conveniently use the fact that Islam allows more than one wife as the reason for taking on wives No. 2, 3 and 4 without any regard or planning on how to pay for the upkeep of multiple households.