Internet Scams

Many scams involving Nigerian nationals have sprouted on the Internet and these usually involve some bogus lottery scheme where the so-called "winner" is informed via email that his/her email has won a lottery in an Internet lucky draw. The "winner" is then requested to provide certain personal information to a fiduciary (collecting agent). These agents are almost always based in London. Before collecting the prize, however, the "winner" is required to deposit a sum of money into an account (the scammer's account). Scams like these play on human greed for "quick" riches and gullible as it may seem, many have fallen for such scams.

More recently, love scams involving Africans have surfaced. These scams play on the emotional vulnerability of single women looking for friendship or love on the Internet. They prey on women registered on networking (Facebook, Myspace, etc.) or dating sites. Their modus operandi is to masquerade as white males and these scammers would woo their prey with sweet talk and promises. Women who gave out their phone numbers would be inundated with calls professing love and devotion and even promising gifts. The scammers would call from a UK-based number and according to Internet sources, calls to these numbers would be diverted to the location where the scammers operate from.

The scammer would then supposedly make a trip to Kuala Lumpur to meet his lady and somehow, he would get into trouble that would require the lady to help him financially. One tactic is that he is stuck at customs at the airport and need some cash to clear the gifts he had brought or his wallet was stolen, etc. and he would request that cash be banked into an account.

According to reliable sources, such a syndicate operates from Puchong in Kuala Lumpur and to all you ladies out there looking for friends/love on the Internet, be alert...as the saying goes...if it is too good to be true, it probably is...better to be safe than sorry!

Ole Ole Bandung....

Move over, Spice Girls! The Golden Gals have arrived (L to R: Audi, Winnie, Nori)!

We thought we would be playing golf in glorious weather...but alas, we actually brought the rain from Malaysia to Bandung. A group of die-hard golfers, Danny (sorry folks! I promised him I'd conceal his TRUE identity), Audi, Winnie and I made a golfing trip to Bandung from November 4 - 7, 2008.

It rained all day till late night on the day we arrived so our plans for golf on Day 1 were dashed...like dust being washed away by rain. There was nothing left to do except to hit the rows and rows of shops selling designer labels (seconds) for which Bandung is famous. Alas, again, luck was not with me for I could not find anything that fits....those teeny, weeny, t-shirts would only fit the most sculpted body, but my friend Winnie, who wears size XS, had a field day! Audi was also able to find some t-shirts that fit after rummaging through the pile of clothes on display but I did not even bother to try...as it would only dampen my mood which was already dampened by the rain.

Moulin Rouge in Bandung? Rain or shine, girls just wanna have fun!

At Mountain View Golf Resort (with Danny)

On Day 2 we played at Giri Gahana which is located in a dramatically impressive landscape. We could only complete 16 holes as it started to rain by noon. On Day 3, it was golf at Mountain View Resort...we also managed only 16 holes because it rained again - this time around 11am! After a quick lunch, it was back to the hotel to catch up on much-needed rest and later in the evening Audi and I had a massage at Roger's Spa to soothe those tired muscles while Winnie surveyed the shops - again!

After the massage....a healthy meal!

The "raison primordiale" - Why Malaysian men find Indonesia a to-die-for golf destination! "Kurang Kras Pak!"

Rain aside, we still had a good time as seen from the accompanying photos!

Cat Tales...Part II

In his cage for the trip to the vet....

Our beloved cat, Jacky, is now about 7 months old and the family have decided that he should be neutered. In Islam, neutering an animal is deemed haram (prohibited) as essentially, the animal's desire to propagate is removed...thus interfering with God's creation.

A search on the Internet led me to a forum that discussed this aspect of Islam. Apparently, according to local religious authorities, neutering is deemed harus (optional) as long as neutering is not detrimental to the animal.

The decision to neuter Jacky was made with his well-being in mind. I believe it is wrong to allow animals to breed uncontrollably as they may end up as strays on the streets, scavenging for food and sometimes being treated inhumanely by humans. From a health point of view, controlling the population of stray animals would also reduce the likelihood of diseases being spread by strays.

Jacky was taken to the vet a day before the procedure. He spent another night at the vet after the procedure and was taken home on the third day. He had to be given antibiotics for about a week to prevent infection and although he initially wobbled a little when walking, he is now hale and hearty and as playful as ever....we love you, Jacky!

Lessons from The Bucket List

The Bucket List is a movie about two men, Carter (Morgan Freeman) and Edward (Jack Nicholson) whose paths crossed when they were admitted into the same hospital for treatment of cancer. Carter, who was black, was a gifted amateur historian and a family man who had wanted to be a history professor. However, side-tracked by the economic realities of his early life, Carter was unable to realize his dream and he worked as a mechanic for his entire life. He had been married for forty five years and had three children who were successful in life.

Edward was a caustic and bitter billionaire and was a loner. He owned many hospitals, had divorced four times and was estranged from his only daughter. He had everything money could buy except a stable family. His hospitals practised a policy of not allowing any patient, without exception, to have a single room; hence, he had to share a room with Carter. They had a stormy relationship due to their completely different personalities.

Carter's history professor had encouraged his students to develop a list of all the things they had ever wanted to do before they "kick the bucket"...a list of life's goals, a road map of one's life, so to speak. Suffering from a terminal illness and confined in a hospital gave him time to reflect on what he wanted to do for the rest of his life and he developed such a list. However, when his doctor told him that he had less than a year to live, he threw away the list in disappointment. Edward found the list in a trash can and, with Carter's permission, he added his own list of things that he had always wanted to do. His list included some grandiose goals - such as skydiving and motor car racing - compared to Carter's modest goals.

For all their apparent differences, they discovered they had two very important things in common; an unrealized need to come to terms with who they were and the choices they'd made, and a pressing desire to spend the time they had left doing everything they ever wanted to do. So, against doctor's advice and all good sense, they embarked on an adventure, financed by Edward, to live out their dreams which took them around the world. Adding and crossing items off their list while taking in the grandeur and beauty of the world, they grappled with difficult questions and even more difficult answers that plagued all of us. Without even realizing it, they became friends.

I enjoyed the movie for the messages that were conveyed. Firstly, although money can make one powerful and comfortable in life, it cannot buy happiness.

It also taught us that we should not judge a person by his/her station in life - although Carter was a black man who never rose above his position as a mechanic, he was a cultured, learned, man and his three children were all successful professionals in their own fields.

While in hospital, Carter realized that for a long time, he was feeling less in love with his wife of 45 years. However, during the journey, he discovered that he actually had deep feelings for her and he promised himself that he would show his love for her when he returned...doesn't this sound familiar...we sometimes take people we love for granted and we miss them only when they are not around?

Carter also played a role in reconciling Edward with his estranged daughter. When Edward took the bold step to swallow his pride and made up with his daughter, he found out to his surprise that his daughter readily accepted him - how many times have we been too proud to apologize for our past mistakes and make up with people who matter to us? Instead, we continue to harbour grudges that continue to eat into us.

Last, but not least, it is not too late for all of us to start working on our own bucket list....a positive list of our life's goals....and the changes that we must make to achieve these goals.

Life Is A River....

Imagine a river....it flows from its source towards a specific destination - the sea. In the course of a river’s journey from its source to its destination, dams may be erected that block its flowing to the sea, or earthquakes may redirect its course into a different channel. A river is victoriously persistent, it overcomes all barriers. The river may twist and turn, fall back on itself and start again or stumble over an infinite series of hindering rocks. Yet, through the indomitable force of its current, that river will, nevertheless, reach the sea. Or a river will drop out of sight for miles, and then emerge again broader and grander than ever!

Can a person cross the same river twice? Common sense tells us that this is possible - if one can cross a river, surely one can also return. However, if you think about it at a deeper level, one cannot cross the same river twice, even if crossing at the same spot. A river is never static; it is continuously flowing and constantly changing, although some changes may be too subtle to notice. Rocks may turn to pebbles, some pebbles may have been pushed away or the leaves that swirled around your feet when you crossed in one direction may no longer be there on the return journey. As the river continues to flow, more changes occur and nothing can bring the same river back.

Life is like a flowing river...nothing is permanent...changes, both good and bad, occur along the way and today is all we have. If we have lost today, it is gone forever...we just have to move on. What is important is the here and now and not yesterday or tomorrow. The wise tortoise Master, Oogway, in the movie Kung Fu Panda, said it succinctly, "yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift; that's why it is called the present".

Datukship for Shah Rukh Khan?

While the average Ali, Ah Chong and Aru are grappling with the rising cost of food and services, the local papers headlined on October 11 that Shah Rukh Khan was bestowed a datukship by the Yang Dipertua Negeri of Malacca on the occasion of his 70th birthday. Apparently, the recommendation was made by Tun Daim Zainuddin because Malacca was featured in one of Khan's movies many years ago. The movie was partly filmed at A' Famosa, Malacca.

The logic offered by the powers that be on any given issue never ceases to amaze the ordinary rakyat. Many of us are convinced that Khan does not even know where Malacca is and that tourism in Malacca did not get boost as a result of that movie. Going by the same logic, perhaps Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery should also be awarded datukships for their roles in the movie Entrapment, filmed at the PETRONAS Twin Towers. My 76-year old mother, who is well-informed about world affairs as she reads the Utusan daily, surmised that perhaps Tun Daim, being the businessman that he is, has plans to venture into the movie industry in Bollywood; hence the award....makes sense, uh?

There was a time when datukships were awarded to deserving personalities...they had served the country in their respective fields over the years and generally lived up to the dignity of the title. Not any more - these days, datukships are a dime a dozen and are bestowed rather generously. A case in point is twenty-something Lee Chong Wei; he was bestowed a datukship after winning a silver medal at the Beijing Olympics. Yes, he did the country proud by winning the Olympic silver but shouldn't he have to prove that he is not a flash-in-the-pan athlete before being considered for the award? Someone like Nichol Davids who has consistently been world number one is a good example of a deserving case.

Bollywood stars are well-known for their arrogance and Khan is no exception. I once had the opportunity to watch him shoot a movie at KLCC and he totally ignored his mostly Malay female fans who swooned over him. He is also famously known for keeping our VIPs, including Tun Mahathir, waiting for two hours during a show at Genting Highlands. It is not surprising that he was not present to receive the award...it does not mean anything to him and it is not beyond him to expect the award to be presented to him in Bollywood. Pleeeeaase....let's just call off plans to have the award presented to him at a special ceremony - he does not deserve the award in the first place!

Come on people, if you are so crazy about Khan because of his looks, just go to Balakong, Kuala Lumpur....where you can find many Bangla look-alikes - minus the famous "to-die-for" abs and biceps, unfortunately!

Mind Your Language!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese;

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men;

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen;

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet;

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth;

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those;

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose;

We speak of a brother and also of brethren;

But though we say mother, we never say methren;

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him;

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language;

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple;

English muffins weren't invented in England;

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes;

We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square;

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English;

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship;

We have noses that run and feet that smell;

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway;

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language;

In which your house can burn up as it burns down;

In which you fill in a form by filling it out;

And in which an alarm goes off by going on;

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

Perhaps the above partly explains the pathetic standard of English in Malaysia today, especially amongst the younger generation. English is not an easy language to learn and if we want our children to be competitive in a global world, it should be the medium of instruction in school. We can achieve this without sacrificing our National language.

Thanks, Irene, for sharing this with all of us!

Riding Out Tough Times

There used to be a time when grocery shopping meant zipping through supermarket aisles and picking up items from a shopping list. No, sometimes items not on the list also made it to the shopping cart....ooh! those croissants look so inviting...hey, this is a good offer; just buy it now in case...sounds familiar? Well, with tough times upon us, I am now more careful when I shop. Because I now have all the time, I read labels, compare prices, and scan supermarket ads for items on offer. I also make sure that I do not shop on an empty stomach - to resist the temptation to buy more food than I need. When shopping for cleaning agents, I now go for in-house brands like Carrefour, Giant or Tesco rather than brand names like Unilever as the products are just as good - so why pay more for packaging and advertisement costs?

I am a shopoholic by nature - whose mantra used to be "when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping". I used to look forward to ISETAN's pre-sale offers for iCard members, never mind that the items on offer are the same ones each time. During pre-sale period, iCard members can get discounts of up to 40%. Like most women I know, I have a weakness for shoes. I used to rush around during lunch breaks to buy that pair of shoes on offer...wait a minute, now that I have the shoes, I need to have a handbag to match....and that dress would go nicely with this combination...the list is endless! Now that I am retired, I no longer need to dress up everyday so I am no longer interested in such sales.

My other "sin" is shopping for golf apparel ("bior tak leh main asekan begaye" - kate orh-ang Pe-rhak). I buy most of my apparel online from golf stores in the USA, as they have a wide range of sizes and choices, and have them shipped to Kuala Lumpur, which can get pretty expensive. Sometimes, when there are friends travelling to USA, I have orders shipped to a stateside address for them to bring back to KL. I now have enough golf wear to last for the next 5 years so I have stopped adding to my collection of shoes, skorts and shirts. My shoe cabinet is running out of space to accommodate any more golf shoes as I now have 17 pairs of different colors and designs...and my poor maid has to air out those shoes every 2 weeks so that they don't go musty!

My friends have also joined me in cutting costs - when we play golf at other than our home course, we would go on a weekday, when green fees are cheaper. We carpool and if we travel out of town, we would split the fuel/toll costs. Even on our home course, we have stopped using buggies; instead we walk with our trolleys - which is not only good exercise but also for toning those calf muscles! As for entertainment, we buy DVDs for home viewing and exchange these amongst ourselves. Occasionally, we would go to the movies at TGV KLCC on Wednesdays when tickets are discounted (RM8 vs RM10). The number of coffee chats at outlets in KLCC have also been reduced and we now lepak at Audie's home not only for coffee but also the occasional round of gin rummy! Birthday celebrations for friends are now potluck affairs instead of going out to eat; and if we eat out, we go Dutch.

At home, I am still trying to educate everyone about the importance of switching off the air-conditioner, lights and fans when no one is in the room, running the washing machine on full loads and switching off the TV when no one's watching - sometimes, it seems that the TV is on just for the noise.

I used to enjoy weekly body massages but now, it is down to once a month - at other times, especially after a golf game, I would use the massage chair that had been gathering dust due to under-utilization. I have also reduced the number of visits to the salon for facials, pedicure, manicure, hair washes and body pampering treatments as I now do these at home.

As Main Street continues to feel the pain resulting from the crash on Wall Street, it is only prudent for consumers to cut costs in any small way they can for we may be in this for the long haul.

Why Do Men Take Second Wives?

This is a doggone explosive subject to be writing about….you betcha (Sarah Palin-speak)! Dina Zaman dwelled on this touchy topic today in the STAR.

It is quite common for Malay men taking second wives to use the religious line of argument – but didn’t the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) do so? Wonder why they remember the Prophet only when it comes to polygamy? But wait a minute – there are very stringent requirements that must be met before a man can take on a second wife. One of which is that he is to treat both wives equally and fairly not only with regards to material things but also with regards to his affection. If you REALLY believe that he can show the same affection for his second wife (usually younger) and his first wife who had borne him three children, then I would believe that two plus two is five. I think it is humanely impossible for a man to fulfill that criteria. Which tells you that it is not intended that men take more than one wife at their whims and fancy. This reminds me of a scene in the sitcom MASH when this character Ali was asked by his Mat Salleh friend how he divided his time between his two wives. His response, “I spend three days of the week with each wife and on the seventh day, I pray to Allah to give me strength for the next week”!

There are a number of reasons why men take second wives - lust, missing out on life due to marrying too early, and boosting their ego are some of them. Most would go for younger women (sometimes half their age). They would then have children with the younger wife and neglect their children from the first marriage. It seems that if a man has decided to take a second wife, he does not think about the consequences for his family, especially children. Given the usually large disparity in age, it would not be long before wife number two would start to find fault with the marriage....especially if the man is retired, in poor health or no longer able to provide all the material things she once enjoyed. This is when trouble starts.

Once a man crosses that line in taking number two, numbers three and four would be a piece of cake! Have you ever noticed that in today's KL society, the Datins outnumber the Datuks? That's because most Datuks have at least two Datins, if not more!

I believe the way Islam is administered in this country has encouraged poligamy. The religious department is very pro-lelaki when it comes to administering justice. I know from personal experience and also from the experience of friends who have had the misfortune to deal with the department.

When a woman lodges a complaint about her husband, she is usually sent packing with advice to “work things out”. Even if they appear as a couple, his version of events would probably be given more weight than hers. A friend of mine moved out of her marital home when she found out that her dearest hubby had taken a second wife without her knowledge. In Islam, moving out of the marital home is “nusyuz” (disobedience), no matter what the cause. This is one of the grave sins a wife can commit in a marriage. In retaliation, he refused her request for divorce and left her in limbo (gantung tak bertali) for ten years while he went on with his life and had children with number two. She moved on in her life and ended up living with a man she could not marry because hubby refused to divorce her. So, where is the justice?

He finally recently agreed to divorce her after she threatened to expose some skeletons in his closet. However, divorce was granted on condition that she had no claims to any material possessions they had as a couple. So desperate was she to end this fiasco that she willingly agreed - she literally walked out with only the clothes on her back.

Having been granted a divorce, she had to wait another three months (called the edah period) before she can remarry. This is a religious requirement meant to ensure that the wife being divorced is not pregnant and for the couple to reconcile if they wanted to. The three month-period is to coincide with three menstrual cycles. Being a fifty-something menopausal woman, she requested if the edah can be waived as she is beyond child-bearing age. The department stood its ground that it is a religious requirement that must be complied with. So the woman continued to live in sin for three more months just to comply. Why can’t logic be applied in this case? With so much power placed in their hands, it is no wonder that some Malay men take their marital responsibilities so lightly.

Some of my married friends tell me they envy my footloose-and-fancy-free single status where I am only accountable to myself. I still believe in the institution of marriage but a woman has to have some degree of financial independence for you never know....they say marriage is like a golden cage - those on the outside wanting to get in and those inside dying to get out!

Mamma Mia!

This show is strictly for people (baby boomers?) who like ABBA songs and like to have a 'good time'. Don't go to the show expecting any gripping story line - just go with the mind of enjoying the songs, reminiscing and having a lot of fun. The story line evolves around a soppy romance comedy script that creates a delightful evening of sheer fun and pleasure.

The story concerns Sophie, whose mother Donna, owns a small hotel on a tiny Greek Island. Sophie is getting married and she would like to have her father walk her down the aisle. However, Donna will not tell her who her real father is – so she secretly reads her mother’s diary and discovers that there are three men who could possibly be her father as her mother had a physical relationship with all three over a period of 15 days.

Sophie secretly invites all three men to the wedding. The fun starts when the three men arrive on the island and discover why they have been invited. In addition to strong singing voices that do justice to ABBA songs, the cast also gives good comic performances. Although some of the songs are not directly related to the story line, they are ingeniously slipped into the story line, and the audience bursts into favourable applause each time it happens.

I caught this show in Sydney about 4 years ago and really had a lot of fun with a responsive audience who sang and danced to the foot-stomping tunes. This musical is a must for all ABBA fans!!

Happiness Is......

Once in a while, I get into a philosophical mood and often wonder what actually is happiness? Are we happy with who, what, or where we are today? Are we having fun? Are we enjoying our careers? Are we excited about our future? Are we living our life to the fullest?

Most of us are searching for something, or sometime in the future when we will finally be happy. We tell ourselves that if we can only get to "that place," then our lives will be perfect. What we miss when we go through life with this perspective is the joy of today, and all the wonderful things that it brings.

So what will it take for us to be happy? Will it be the bigger house, the new car, getting married, getting divorced, becoming pregnant, getting a new job, moving to a new home, etc.? When will we stop running and enjoy what we have today? The search for happiness is internal and impossible to obtain from outside things. Sure, they may make us smile initially, but the emptiness will not go away.

I see happiness as accepting who you are; the good, the bad and the ugly. It's knowing that you are doing the best you can do, and being content with that. This does not mean you ignore what you'd like to improve in your life, but if you only see what's missing, you lose out on "loving" what's great about you.

Being happy also means being grateful for your life….whether it's being grateful for having your health, a job, a place to live, food everyday, or a family that loves you. If you knew that you were going to die in 90 days, would you do things differently? Guess what? You are going to die one day, and you don't know if you even have 90 days. Gratitude, not blame will give you happiness and freedom.

Being happy means having sincere friends who would lend a helping hand in times of need. It also means little things they do for you because you are always being thought of. They accept you for what you are and will always bring a smile on your face no matter how low you feel. Last, but not least, happiness is having a round of golf with my friends and enjoying each other’s company and the lively banter on the golf course – even if we play poorly!

So, what is it going to take to have you be happy today? How much more of your life do you want to live waiting for "someday" to bring you the happiness you crave? It's up to you to create your own happiness. It's up to you to create a life filled with joy rather than sorrow. Why not choose a life filled with happiness today?

Always remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all will be well!

Images of Hari Raya

A Happy Camper

Watch out......

Waistlines!

Tradition Kept Alive

A Multi-Cultural Celebration

Smiles for "Duit Raya"

Strengthening Bonds

Families Re-Connecting

Selamat Hari Raya!

Growing Up - Then and Now

Growing up these days is alot different than the years when I was growing up. Life for the young today is filled with meeting friends for coffee at Starbucks, fancy hand phones that become obsolete in a couple of months, dyeing their hair a different color to suit their current mood, body art that makes parents wince, clubbing at nightspots and shopping at trendy outlets - all courtesy of mum and dad, of course!

Kids at a very young age (some as early as seven years old) have romantic interests in school, and computers have taken over their lives. They go everywhere with MP3s plugged into their ears and parental conversations are rare. The doors to their rooms are always locked and some parents have to resort to calling them on their mobile phones (even in the same house) just to ask them to join the family for dinner! College-going kids drive their own cars - again, courtesy of mum and dad!

My baby-boomer friends and I often reminisced about our growing-up years when life was a whole lot harder but we did not mind. As kids, we did not have computer games and a television set would be a luxury. We played outdoors mostly and were creative enough to make do with whatever we could lay our hands on to entertain ourselves. We played games like hopscotch, rounders, konda kondi, congkak, and galah panjang. I was brought up as a boy because my mother had so wanted a son - so I played with the boys rather than the girls. We climbed trees, used catapult to shoot at poor helpless birds and trapped dragon flies using the sticky sap from jack fruits. Since I was dressed as a boy, none of the boys I played with knew that I wasn't one of them and when it was time to answer nature's call, I would run back home because I could not do it standing up!

My teenage years were spent in Kuala Lumpur. Teen aged girls were not allowed to go out at night and the highlight of our social lives were "tea dances" held at places like Jackie's Bowl (located where the AIA Building is today along Jalan Ampang), while our more well-heeled and "cool" counterparts would boogie the night away in discos such as Time Tunnel, also along Jalan Ampang. Dating was often done during the day at places like Green Grove and Rendezvous in downtown Kuala Lumpur.

We did not have the luxury of generous allowances and no, our favorite pastime was not shopping for clothes - like it is today. I remember that I sewed my own clothes - and the trend then were minis, maxis and a short, billowy, sleeveless dress, dubbed the "tent". I was actually quite good at sewing the "tent" - all you need is to cut the material on the bias for the billowy effect and the dress has a simple round neckline and no sleeves with zippers at the back. They have, of course, to go with those humongous platform shoes - and we thought we looked so cool!

During my secondary school years, I was a Prefect in a Convent school and each year, after the exams were over, we held parties attended by all prefects and we would invite our counterparts from selected male schools.

Adrenaline Junkie as Prefect

Boogie-ing the night (day?) away!

We looked forward to these parties, although we had to dance under the watchful eyes of the nuns, who, of course, had to be there - from start to end! Whilst today's nightlife only starts at around 10.00 p.m., our parties typically started at 6.00 p.m. and ended by 10.00 p.m. but they would be the highlight of the school year.

Line dancing?

A rather austere menu! Adrenaline Junkie is on far right

I remember that an allowance of 50 sen a day then was "generous" as a bowl of noodles and a glass of syrup cost 10 sen each. Compare that to today when a plate of nasi lemak costs RM3.00 and it's no wonder that kids need RM10.00 per day for their food alone - and that does not include a meal at McDonald's on their way home!

Given our way of life then, are we more prepared to ride out rough times than our pampered children?

The Meaning of Syawal

Yesterday, as I had done for the past 18 years, I visited my deceased partner's grave to offer prayers before the dawning of the month of Syawal. It is a practice by many Muslims to visit the graves of their departed loved ones to offer prayers either on the morning of the 1st of Syawal (Hari Raya day) or earlier.

My son Nash asked me why I only visit his ayah's grave once a year at the end of Ramadan and not at some other time during the year. I remember being taught as a Muslim child that when people die, their souls would be punished for all the wrongdoings in their lifetime. This punishment would go on until Judgement Day and is known as seksa kubur (seksa = suffering; kubur = graveyard). However, during the holy month of Ramadan, the souls would be released from any punishment and that is why we are encouraged to offer extra prayers for their well-being. Muslims would visit the graves of their loved ones to offer prayers in person; hence, you can always see a crowd of people offering prayers at cemeteries before Hari Raya day or on the day itself.

Today, the cemetery was deserted - perhaps because many people had made visits earlier before they head back to their respective kampungs. Armed with an umbrella, some flowers and air zam zam (holy water from Mecca), I made my way to the cemetry. The first thing I noticed since my visit last year was that the area had considerably expanded as more burials had taken place. After reciting verses from the Quran and showering the grave with flowers and holy water, I sat there and suddenly realised that apart from one other couple at the far end of the cemetery, I was alone.

The peace and quiet that I experienced brought home the message that our life on earth is temporary and when we pass on, we are judged by our deeds and for Muslims, whether or not we have practised Islam as prescribed. No amount of material possessions can save us from the seksa kubur that await us for, as human beings, we have all transgressed at some time during our lifetime.

"And your point is?" - you might ask. Well, the point I am trying to make is that all along, I have been pursuing material success with neglect for the spiritual side of me and that I should find a balance between the two in order to achieve peace within. I intend to do so from this Syawal.

On Politics and the Economy

I am a regular viewer of CNN and have been following closely the chain of events that have led to Black Monday (September 15, 2008) - the day when the Dow Index went south and posted its biggest loss since the Great Depression. This was followed by similar losses in stock markets in Europe and Asia. Events were triggered with the problems of mortgage sub-prime rates, the rescue of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac by the US government, the US government buyout of Bear Stearns, the sale of Merrill Lynch to Bank of America, the collapse of another investment bank Lehman Brothers and most recently, the US government bailout of AIG which is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy.

This bailout, which cost USD85 billion, is to avert a global financial crisis as AIG's downfall would mean a global financial crisis since its activities are not only limited to insurance but are intertwined with so many aspects of the economy. The impact of Black Monday was far-reaching. In neighboring Singapore, AIA policyholders flocked to its local offices to surrender their policies and cut their losses in anticipation of the worst to come (AIG is AIA's parent company).

Analysts and politicians alike in America (read: McCain/Obama) have commented over what have brought us to this and viewers too have had their say on CNN. The main reasons which stood out as the causes were deregulation, greed and government pandering to special interests.

While all this was going on, our Malaysian politicians (from both sides of the political aisle) continue to engage in antics that the rakyat have had enough of - the cat and mouse game over PKR forming a new government on September 16, lobbying and counter lobbying for positions in the upcoming UMNO elections and inciting racial hatred for political ends, to name a few.

The economic crisis in the United States barely makes headlines in our local press - perhaps the thinking is that this does not concern us. But it does - the fallout will be felt globally as the world is now one big market and what happens in the United States, especially, will trickle down to the rest of the world. The bottom has not been reached in the US and we should prepare ourselves for the worst. When US consumers do not spend, the market for our exports will shrink.

I sincerely hope that our government and opposition alike will step back and take cognisance of the economic turmoil ahead of us and do their best to prepare us for that. A majority of the rakyat are grappling with rising cost of food and services and living from one paycheck to the next, so just cut out the antics and get to work because that is why you were elected! As for the rakyat, they should also play their part and as a start, Muslims celebrating Hari Raya Aidil Fitri in less than two weeks should do so in moderation.

That's What Friends Are For

"...Keep shining, keep smiling

Knowing you can always count on me

For sure

That's what friends are for

In good times

And bad times

I'll be at your side forever more

That what's friends are for"

So goes the lyrics of Dionne Warwick's inspiring song, That's What Friends Are For. Without doubt, this tune is always playing in my head when I think of my friends.

A question that must have crossed most people's mind rather often is, does friendship endure a lifetime? Friendship is something which connects people through mutual knowledge, respect, esteem and affection. It revolves around loyalty, empathy, genuine affection for each other and the ability to understand others. We often think whether our friend really cares and feels for us in the same way that we do. If they indeed do, then we are some of the fortunate people in the world.

(L to R): Audie, Winnie, Yoko, Adrenaline Junkie, Giri

In today's fast and artificial world, what looks apparent from outside may not be the same from inside. People try to take advantage of one another, all in the name of friendship. Friendship somewhere down the line has lost its true meaning and significance. Friendship at one time meant lots of sacrifice and doing anything for one another come what may but sadly, today, it sometimes means "what's in it for me?".

In today's world, friendship also means hanging around coffee shops, movies, shopping malls and having a good time together. People these days have taken friendship to be a kind of recreation and a medium of spending free and leisure time. It has lost its luster and meaning today because our views regarding what we expect from life and relationships have changed. In big cities especially, we live by the mantra "to each, his own".

(Sitting L to R): Hazel, Siti, Helen (Standing L to R): Adrenaline Junkie, Rogayah, Aishah

Some view friendship as a stepping stone to success. At times they become manipulative and try to take advantage of friends because of the influence they yield in certain social circles. Friends are people whom you would really like to count upon and trust them for anything. Wouldn't you raise a smile in the middle of a boring day if a friend suddenly calls just to say "Hello"?. It feels good to know that somebody thinks about you and cares for your feelings.

To keep friendship alive, it is also equally important to reciprocate your friend's feelings. A one sided friendship doesn't last for long. First, we need to realize how important is a friend for us. We need to ask ourselves if we can give something to them without expecting anything in return. A friend who stands by you through thick and thin is a 'True Friend'. They love you for what you are and really don't care about how you look or what you have.

As I reflect upon some of the difficult times that I had gone through, I feel very blessed and grateful for having real friends to count on. They were there to cheer me up in hospital, drive me around when I was unable to, include me in all of their social plans without being asked to and cheer me up when I feel blue. In hard times, when you don't have anyone to stand by you, they stick with you and try to make things smoother for you. Saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed" does not mean anything if one does not walk the talk. True friends will be there for you in good times as well as bad. A true friend does not try to change you but accepts you as you are. Such friendships are rare and precious possessions and should be valued by those who have it.

With Torah

True and good friends are really hard to find, so if you have some, don't take them for granted. They would be friends for a lifetime. Life will be more enjoyable and the world may seem to be a much better place to live if you have got true friends who love you and respect you.

Thank you girls, for being my friends!

Cat Tales

My Indonesian maid of twelve years, Siti, took in a stray cat recently. The little fellow had been hanging around my backyard for a while and Siti and mum had taken turns to feed him. After a couple of weeks or so, they decided to take him in and Siti named him Jacky (she is an avid fan of kungfu star, Jackie Chan). I had agreed on condition that Jackie is confined to the outdoors and can only come into the house occasionally under supervision, as I do not want cat odour in the house.

Jacky is a cute little fellow - playful, loving, amusing and full of life. We have housed him in a cage and had him "toilet trained". Three times a day, he is let out for short periods so that he can have his "exercise" - scratching on an old, beaten, chair placed near the cage, stretching himself out, rolling around on the grass, climbing on to your shoulder if you happen to be around, and just having fun.

Jacky

He used to meow himself hoarse when he is returned to the cage as he wants to remain outside. But just like well-meaning parents, we had to ignore the meowing, for his own good. After about a week of going through this routine, Jacky no longer protests when he is returned to the cage - in fact, he willingly goes back in when he smells the bowl of milk waiting for him.

We tried feeding Jacky cat food from the supermarket - but he prefers rice and fish (what a kampongie cat!). Next will be a trip to the vet to have him neutered. I have been told by my sister, who considers her two cats her children, that once a cat is neutered, he will become docile and will not stray very far -ladies, take note, this may be the remedy for those men with roving eyes!.

By Malaysian standards, Jacky is well cared for but my sister's cats in Australia, Ziggy and Harley, have a much better life. The duo is of British short-hair pedigree and was acquired from a cat breeder. One gets to choose from a catalog of various pedigrees and there is a waiting period before a cat can be taken home. Potential owners are carefully vetted; similar to that of adopting a child. The potential owner is interviewed on the number of family members in the house, where the cat will be housed, etc. to ensure that the cat will be properly cared for.

Take five.....partners-in-mischief

Ziggy (L) and Harley

Wakey, wakey, Zig....let's play

Once the breeder is satisfied that the cat will be well cared for, then the cat will be released into the custody of the owner. At my sister's home, a special play area is constructed for the cats. It is an enclosure outside the house which is connected to the house via a "cat tunnel". In the enclosure, the cats can have their "me-time" and enjoy their "scratching" toys, carpeted floor and even a tiny camp bed to rest those tired bones after a mischievous outing in the garden! The enclosure is constructed of plexi-glass so that the cats can enjoy the view outside - oh, what a life!

Cats can get attached to familiar people after a period of about two weeks. On my last vacation in Australia, every morning, Ziggy would come into my room and jump over me to take his place beside the window, looking into the garden, as if to say...."get out of my way, you are blocking my view"! After I had left, my sister told me that each morning, Ziggy would come into the room and still look around for me - although I imagine he must have been happier that there was no longer anyone blocking his view of the garden!

When my sister and her husband go on extended trips, the cats are checked into a cat hotel where they will be cared for just like guests in a hotel - with food, lodging and even exercise provided for. They cost quite a bit but the owners will have peace of mind knowing that their pets are cared for.

I never had a pet when growing up as I was asthmatic and could not be exposed to animal fur. However, when I observe the unconditional affection shown by animals towards their owners, it strikes a cord in my heart - the look of excitement when they rush towards you, following you around for a cuddle and a scratch and rolling on their backs with all four legs up in the air as if to say, "look at me, I am all yours!".

A study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, Center for the Interaction of Animals and Society, concluded that owning a pet reduces the number of visits to the doctor, prolongs survival after a heart attack, and wards off depression. Pet ownership also protects against a major problem of aging: high blood pressure. In one standout study at State University of New York, Buffalo, stockbrokers with high blood pressure adopted a pet. When they were faced with mental stress, their BP increased less than half as much as in their counterparts without animal pals. But pick your pet with care. There is nothing stress-reducing about a dog that chews your furniture to bits!

Owners can also get too attached to their pets and they grieve when the pets die. Our last cat, also a stray whom we named Belang (striped), was put to sleep due to old age and the whole family grieved when she was laid to rest in our garden amongst the rose plants - we miss you Belang!

On Cyber Friendship

There is a column in the STAR today by Wong Sai Wan, discussing cyber friendship - in particular, Facebook (FB). As most of us know, FB is an Internet networking site similar to Hi5, Bebo and Friendster.

In his column, the author lamented that corporations should not see FB as a waste of time and interfering with employees' work. He advocates that corporations should allow employees to manage and maintain FB as part of their networking. His argument is that after all, networking is one of the tenets of corporate life.

Wong is entitled to his opinion but I respectfully beg to differ. As a seasoned HR practitioner, I do not see how FB can be useful to employees. Yes, corporations expect employees to network but the kind of networking corporations expect and the networking on FB are two different kinds of animals. As someone who was responsible for policy compliance, I have seen too many cases of employees spending too much time on such sites - at the expense of productivity. There is also the risk of introducing viruses when downloading files from unknown sources as well as overloading of the system due to large files being downloaded. Employees can learn more about their corporations through company intranets and although they are more expensive than FB, no policing is required.

Employees should have access to the Internet for it helps in their day-to-day functions but as computers are provided by corporations as business tools, then their usage should be confined to business only; with incidental personal use allowed.

As with any cyber tools, we have to exercise discretion on how it is used. FB is great for keeping in touch with friends and making new ones but cyber friendship also has its pitfalls. Making friends in cyber space should not be any different than making friends in the real world.

The computer merely acts as a vehicle through which we can make friends - just like an introducer in real life. We still have to go through the process of getting to know the other party over time - but I do agree cyberspace has shortened this getting-to-know-you period.

Just take online chatting, for example. In less than ten minutes you can learn a lot about the other party - age, sex, location, interests, family history, etc. Some people hide behind the anonymity of the computer screen, so don't believe everything the other party tells you...take time to find out. Also, be honest and never lie about yourself because if you lie, it would be difficult to remember what you said and somewhere along the line, you will be caught. One great advice for those into cyber friendship; use common sense - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

For those ladies looking for love in cyberspace, here are some tips. After getting to know the other party and having vetted (to the extent possible) the information given, then it is perhaps time to meet. One cardinal rule - always meet in a public place and in daytime, never in a private place or at night. Another rule - have your own transportation so that you can make your "escape" if you are not comfortable with what you see. It would also be a good idea to tell a friend who you are meeting and where - better still, have the friend or friends "spy" on you in the distance in case you need help.

Keep your conversation light and stay away from heavy stuff like emotions, etc. even if the conversation seemed to be steering that way. Be wary of someone who is full of himself - you know, the type who tells you about all the overseas trips he had in the last year within five minutes of meeting! A good observation is to count the number of times his sentence starts with "I" - this is a good indicator of his narcissism!

Be wary if the dude seems to be all over you, shower you with expensive gifts on the first date or flashes his branded watch or ciggie lighter - remember, if it's too good to be true, it probably is and you cannot really tell if the watch and lighter were purchased in PS (Petaling Street) Boutique! Also, be alert to body language -someone who does not look at you in the face when talking is probably lying and if he is constantly checking his watch, he is either bored with you, or has another date/wife waiting for him ):

Keep your first date short...even if you think he is the one, don't rush...take your time. If he is interested to pursue the friendship, he will call. But what if he doesn't, you ask? Well, then, my friend, don't waste your time - he is definitely not for you!

Whilst the Internet offers great tools for us to make new friends - one should not totally discard the good old-fashioned way of getting to know someone. Use your common sense and as women, trust your gut feel. Watch for red flags and don't make excuses for them simply because you so badly want to know the person - better to be safe than sorry. There are couples who meet their life partners in cyberspace but there are also many stories of ladies getting into trouble because they did not use common sense.

Happy surfing!

The Dawning of Ramadhan

It is 4.04 a.m. and I have just had my sahur (the last meal for the day before the start of fasting). As the month of Ramadhan dawns on us, I cannot help but reflect on the meaning of the holy month.

Ramadhan was the month in which the first verses of the holy Qur'an were revealed to Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). It is a time for inner reflection, devotion to God and self-control.

Muslims the world over will observe one month of abstinence from food, drink, and all worldly pleasures, from dawn to dusk. It is a month for "cleansing" - not only your overloaded digestive system but your soul. It is a month filled with prayers, self-reflection, helping the less fortunate and just doing all the things expected of a decent human being.

Fasting is meant to teach the person patience and humility. Ramadhan is a time to fast for the sake of God, and to offer even more prayer than usual. Also, asking forgiveness for the sins of the past, asking for guidance in the future, and asking for help with refraining from every day evils and try to purify oneself through self-restraint and good deeds is involved in Ramadhan.

But should we be doing good only during the month of Ramadhan? Aren't we supposed to be decent human beings all the time - regardless of which month of the year it is? Should we not show compassion to the disadvantaged and the weak, love our brethren and celebrate differences instead of manipulating them to achieve our own agenda, the remaining eleven months of the year?

Instead, there is bickering amongst our Muslim brethren; labelling others infidels as if we have never sinned in our lives, trampling on the poor and the weak, enriching ourselves and our families through positions of responsibility that we have been entrusted with...and the list goes on.

I have been guilty of some of the weaknesses of being human.... impatience, anger, vengeance, selfishness, to name a few, and I am trying my best to be more patient, understanding, accepting, forgiving. If we can show restraint, compassion, charity, love, and understanding towards fellow mankind through our lives....and not just during the month of Ramadhan....we can make this world a better place not only for ourselves but, more importantly, for our children!

Let us all resolve to play our small part in achieving a just world....for, if it is to be, it is up to WE.

Courage.....

Please, give me the courage

To travel this lonely road
Through the peaks and valleys
And the burden of a heavy load

Courage to love again
With trust that is rare to find
To find my way again
And not go on being blind

Courage to accept weaknesses
And frailties of human nature
To give without expecting
To receive a similar gesture

Courage to say the things
I truly, truly, feel
Instead of keeping silent
Because I don't know what's real

Courage to lend a hand
Although I am not strong
To make life a little easier
For those plodding along

Courage to put on a brave face

When the world weighs me down

To be there for those who need me

With a smile, and not a frown

Courage to walk away

From someone that I hold dear

And not try to hold on

To something no longer here

Courage to forgive and forget
And not lose my self-respect
For sometimes, it's not their fault
To not be what I expect

Courage to be myself
And not who I should be
To live my life as I see it right
To love, to have, and still be free